I felt like a kid in that doctors exam room. I let things out like I have never have before. I couldn’t speak at times because speaking would be admitting I had a problem. I push the words out as best I could. I held and stroked my little Fluttershy so hard, I felt as if I would rub a hole through her.
The doctor was patient and took her time. I told her I was not a fan of doctors and told her why. She agreed with me that I would have no reason to trust doctors after what I had been through. She told me my options and prescribed some medication for the pain/depression and recommended therapy.
The first day after was great. I had lived so long with the pain that I had no idea what it was like to not have it anymore. It was almost intoxicating. To move and walk and talk without pain or to not have that constant ache that wears me down. It was beautiful.
Then came the next day.
I started off with a headache and took my pills and waited.
After the 2nd hour it was getting a little fuzzier but still that constant ache was like a faded memory. Soon after another side effect kicked in.
I itched all over.
I ended up scratching and rubbing my nose so much, I looked like a crackhead. Did not help improve my mood.
Then today happened.
I went into work after a VERY rough night of me or the wife not sleeping and started going through my routine. Everything was going good until I opened and 7 different groups of people came rushing in. I spent the next hour being yelled at, screamed at, threatened, cursed out and treated like less than human.
Not a good day.
I will say the medication was nice in the fact that I could roll it off my shoulders for the most part but at the end of the day, I still went home with that same disappointing sadness and depression that I have known all too well.
Still, I will press on. I am going to try and relax and let this work. I am only 3 days in and have about a month to go. I can only hope that I can get better.
Hug a pony my friends. It may be the only thing going for you at the moment, but grab anything that can help.