After the Black.

Another Black Friday has come and gone. I was fortunate not to have to work this one. I was able to spend time with my family and enjoy time off. I saw several other friends online who were able to be off for the first time, for some, in 25 years. It was heartening to see people having a good holiday.

For every person that had the day off, I saw two more who had to work. As it stands, I saw a reasonably good day on Friday and it seemed that people mostly behaved themselves. While tired, overworked employees abound, everyone survived. 

I look at this last month of the year with hesitation. I see many hard days coming soon and different problems to face. I look over this past year and the difficulties me and mine have handled. I look at my year in review post for new year’s and I see so much that had happened. I honestly can’t remember a year that has flown by this quickly. 

I have an up and coming doctors appointment at which I have to confront my doctor about my medical condition. I am at the point at which my depression is under control for the most part. My anxiety is managed when I have an attack. However, I see my muscle and nerve pain has increased and my body fatigue and insomnia are through the roof and I know more is going on with me. I need more than just pills. I need some answers. 

I need to be diagnosed. Correctly.

I look at family. I want to do so much more for them and I feel I am being held back by so many things. My body can’t keep up. Job opportunities are not there, much less my current job. I just want to be there more for my family. 

I look at my blog. This diary of good times and bad. I see the people I have helped and the trials that I faced. I look at the joy I have spread and the sorrow I helped people through. I see it all and know in my heart that I could do more. 

I can always do more. 

I can always do more to make the world a better place. 

I just don’t have the energy to keep going sometimes. I feel trapped in this shell of a body. The pain and exhaustion overwhelms me. All I can think of is to press on. 

I do it for my family

I do it for you. 

I do it for me.

H

#hugapony my friends

Anime North Texas 2016

I have just come back from working yet another convention. I am tired. This one I worked guest relations. I hung out with so many great people. They inspired me to do more with my blog and even encouraged me to do more to help others. A few even made it to my disabilities panel. Here are the amazing people I had the pleasure of working with.

Caleb Hyles is a Youtube star with singing power that leaves me in awe. I had the oppurtunity to sit down with him and his wife and share life stories and other craziness. If you haven’t checked him out, do so at: https://www.youtube.com/user/CalebsCovers/featured

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Gareth West is an up and coming anime super star! He is an extremely talented voice actor who has an amazing passion for his fans. Hanging out with Gareth was so much fun this weekend and made me so happy. Check out his Facebook here: https://www.facebook.com/gareth.west.90

Cherami Leigh is a complete sweetheart. She has a resume that baffles the mind as to how much work she has done. As always, she brought her mom out to the show with her. Cherami is one that the fans love and adore. More on her bellow.  http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0473873/

Double feature with Kristen McGuire and Chuck Huber.

Kristen is a crazy awesome person who cannot stop drawing on people’s plushies. Her voice work and her art is a one, two combo to make you want to love her more. I am still waiting on her Cat Girl #2 comic. Her info is http://kriscomics.com/

Chuck works so hard to be there for his fans. Even when he is not supposed to be somewhere, he will pop out of nowhere and surprise everyone. A long time, hard working actor who puts in time with his fans was a crowd favorite. http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0399321/

Aaron Roberts. My pony brother from another mother. I need to buy him more pony stuff. He was one of the first to arrive and one of the last to leave. His panels were packed with good information and audience pleasing fun. Check him out at http://www.behindthevoiceactors.com/Aaron-Roberts/

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Greg Ayres is another one of those hard working folks that has a huge laundry list of projects with his name in them. From working on anime to fighting bootleg items in the dealer rooms, it is amazing that he has even more to give with crazy nighttime club DJ hits. His list of amazing feats are here: http://www.behindthevoiceactors.com/greg-ayres/

So that was my weekend. It was long hours and hard work but it all paid off to be with such amazing people. I wanted to shout out to my staff who helped me, Star, Foxx, and AJ along with Sarah who kept guests happy in the green room. I am going to go sleep now for a week.

#hugaplushie my friends (just keep them away from Kristen)

The weekend in review.

It was a long weekend. It started on Friday with my van and the water pump exploding inside of it. Being that this  our only vehicle we were kind of in a bind because we were not going to be able to make it to work on Monday. This was also our only access to most of the outside world. Now while I am an introvert and I would be content to stay at home, this did not mean that I would be permanently founded in the apartment. 

Things were not looking up. 

I then received a message that my mother was in the hospital. She has had issues with migraines and we had not been able to get a cause of why. Of course, with the added stress of the rest of life, I did not take the news very well. So I did what I do best.

I stopped and prayed for a miracle.

I did not get one.

I got many.

My wife and I went to a local dealership to look at vehicles. We have been rebuilding credit due to a bankruptcy and I knew it was going to be a painful process. I had gone online and found a decent car for the money. When we arrived, the salesman and the car was waiting for us. We were the rushed into the test drive. The car was small, very small back seat so not good with a baby on the way, and was beyond basic. While, we really needed more, we did not have a lot of options. Upon arrival we told the salesman that we would have to think about it. He brought in the manager to close the deal. He came in ready to pander and please and my loving wife put a stop to it. The manager completely rubbed us the wrong way and was not what we needed at the time. We left soon after with a very bad taste in our mouths. 

It was after this that I received the message that mom was in the hospital. Not much information to go on but needless to say, it was a terrible time for everyone. I prayed.

My dear brother in law stepped in and saved us. He and his wife are some of the kindness people I know. They knew our situation and stepped in and called to say they wanted to help. This opened so many avenues for us. I was close to tears. Hope was not dead.

The next day we had been prepared to go look elsewhere when a dear friend suggested we go back to the same dealership, talk to a very specific salesman and only work through him. I was reluctant but I decided we would. 

Upon arrival we asked to see this particular individual and he created warmly. He asked what we needed and we told him flat out our needs with kids and one on the way. He was the only person to congratulate us on that fact the entire time. There was an instant liking. We also told him of our displeasure from the day before and he agreed that it was not right. He then lead us to a path on a much better car that had been a loaner but was still considered new. It had so many fancy features and a back seat that could hold 3 grown adults comfortably. Just upon seeing the car, my wife and I were filled with hope. This was the perfect car.

The next two days were filled with better news. My mother came home and was feeling much better. We got an idea of what was going on with her. Knowledge is power and this help tremendously. 

Miracles happen.

We went in finally on Monday and got the final paperwork ready for the car. We had one last barrage of last minute add-ons that the car that we were being pushed to buy. My darling wife batted the numbers aside and in the end we ended up getting all the add-ons with no extra cost. 

We now have a car. A new car. Something I have never had. It was the first time in many years that I did not have the fear of if the car would start. I had a vehicle that did not have a warning light on the dash for the first time in 5 years or more. Relief flooded over me and mine. 

I cannot thank enough my friend that convinced us to go back and also let us borrow a car to do so.

I cannot thank my brother in-law and his wife enough for help us out in a time of need. 

I cannot thank a competent salesman who took the time to listen and care.

I cannot thank the doctors who helped my mom enough.

I cannot thank my wife for being strong and standing by my side.

I cannot thank my God enough for providing it all.

I am beyond blessed.

I still have hardships and trouble that I deal with daily. In the month of Thanksgiving, however, I recognize the need for praise and thankfulness. I am truely blessed.

What are you thankful for?

#huga pony my friends

Positive Power Thinking

It has been hard to stay positive in the past few weeks. With the hate going on for the election from almost everyone, to the pain of life and body with me personally, to the fears of issues with my car and apartment, it has all been trying to distract me. Being focused on the positive has been exceptionally difficult.

But I have been here before.

I know this walls and darkness.

I can do better now.

One of the positives of coming off one of medications is my brain fog has lifted greatly. This has given me the ability to focus and think much more clearly for the first time in almost 2 years. I am not saying I haven’t been myself in that time, more of, I can do so with much less effort. I have always considered myself intelligent, and have been told so by others much more intelligent than I, and I feel like that part has been robbed from me in this time. Now it has taken quite a bit more to do my pain management as it takes a lot out of me to focus on not letting it effect my life. It is nice switch from focusing on my mind and thoughts to focusing on my body.

Looking ahead I have felt with the upcoming holidays, the presidential election and the results, and some more conventions, I am looking into spreading that positive thinking and prayer onto other people. In these times of holidays and the winter months, depression and loneliness can come over everyone. I am looking into a project that I have wanted to do for awhile.

It is no small task however.

I am wanting to go through my friends list on my personal social media sites, the email list of this blog, and all other outreaches I can and write at least one letter telling that personal that they are special and loved and that I am thinking and praying for them. I want to spread more love and joy to others.

And this is on top of my life, work, and writing on my blog.

However, I think the results would be more than worth it.

I am so thankful for what I have been given in my life. Yes, I write about my hard times and troubles here on my blog, but this is a great place to vent and to show others they are not alone in hardships or so that they know what someone living with invisible disabilities goes through. I have tried to show the opposite side of the coin and show the life and joy that can be had in spite of these trials. I have tried to bring something positive into this world.

I am trying my best to have an impact on this world, at least those in my reach, and be the most wonderful person I can be.

I ask you all, dear readers, that if you want to be part of my and joy making, I would ask you join the email list on my blog, follow my twitter or you can leave a message on this post or any others. I will see and respond. I will keep all information confidential, unless you say I can share it with others.

Lets bring back love for each other. Lets spread some joy.

#hugapony everyone.

Happy thoughts.

It was a rough week last week. I cut out the primary pain medication I have been taking for almost 2 years. I am writing a post on it but it is still very emotional and painful for me to write about. In the meantime, I decided to write about something positive. Thinking positive in efforts to help those around me.

Today was Halloween and I was able to be with my wife and kids for most of the day. That alone is a positive. I have missed quite a few family events due to work and I was able to capitalize on this one, mush to my joy. It made me very happy.

I also was able to put on my ears for work. Being Halloween, they allowed some dress up. I personally try to seize every opportunity to have some fun and inject some craziness into everyone’s life. It reminded me of when I was a teenager.

In my teens I worn a rubber dog nose everywhere. Literally everywhere. I wore it for such long periods of time that the string broke. I wore it so much my face would have indentations for hours afterwards from where the plastic would have embedded itself in my face. I wore it to school, I wore it to go shopping, I even wore it to church! Why did I do it?

To make people smile.

Some of my favorite times were when I had a child or a grandmother smile because of what I was wearing. Seeing their faces light up with joy always brought a smile to me. Some kids would point and laugh and that’s okay some of them weren’t old enough to understand what I was doing. I just wanted to bring a little joy and light into the world and I felt I did by just wearing a simple dog nose.
Oh I had some of the older folks frown on me and tell me that I was doing something wrong which never made any sense to me. The occasional mother who would hush your child from having a laugh at my expense which was perfectly okay in my opinion. Still the mothers quieted the children because they did not want to cause a scene or any type of attention to what I was doing. It would always make me sad seeing somebody frown or look down upon me because of something I was doing. All I tried to do was just bring a little joy and light into everyone else’s lives around me.

When I worked at GameStop, I made sure to go out of my way to do you things, again, to bring a smile to people’s faces. Dressing up for a special event, or wearing the silliest hat to make people stop and laugh. Joy is something best spread around in my opinion and so I did my best to spread it around as much as I could. Being able to turn someone’s bad day into a good day was always a great feeling for me and I’m pretty sure it was a good feeling for those who I helped as well.

So tonight when I came into work I decided to throw on my ever so loved ears that I wear, again, pretty much everywhere. My co-workers all gave me a smile and said I was being silly. I told them right back that this is something that makes the night go by faster when you’re working. I had four or five customers come up to me and tell me how much they like my hat and in my opinion that’s me doing a good job and providing excellent customer service. Any chance of having a little silliness or having a little fun, especially at work, is a chance I always try to jump on.

And so dear reader, I hope that by sharing my story, I inspire you to do something to make someone else smile today. I welcome any and all comments in which you’ve made someone else’s day a little bit brighter. In this time of election, where the country and families seem to be torn apart by anger or hate  it seems only fitting to try and bring joy into other people’s lives. One of the things I’ve always noticed about bringing a smile to others is the smile that comes back to me. I do hope my story cheers you up a little and that you have a wonderful day.

#hugapony my friends.

I dedicate this post to JL. I hope I bring a little smile to you with this post.

As my world turns.

It has been more than an interesting couple of weeks here in my life. Seems the world is turning a closer eye upon me and is creating some interesting drama (both good and bad). I have started working overnights for a big box retailer as you know if you have read the blog so far and my body has slowly been fighting me more and more. Sleep does not come easily and when it finally takes over I end up in bed for 16 straight hours and miss out on my family and friends.

Depression, it seems, has returned to mess with me.

One of the more pressing issues in my life is the fact I am having to cut out my main medication for pain/depression. The side effects have been rough and growing and I was informed of the possible of seizures. Considering I have been taking this medication 3 times a day for 2.5 years makes me a bit concerned. I am slowly cutting back on the doses until I am able to get off of it fully but my body is already rebelling against me. Pain, it seems, has returned and brought friends.

I am just coming off of Nightmare Nights in Dallas, a personal favorite convention of mine. I have been involved in helping train some of the security staff there and the head of security, whom I work for at this convention, showed how much he has grown. I stood back and observed more than I had in many years working a convention and I couldn’t have been prouder of what he has accomplished. He and his team worked their tales off (pun intended) and handled things in such a professional manner. My security Lead thank me for the time and training I had put into him but he more than earned what he did. I know people who have worked for years and not had the poise to handle the stress nor the calming attitude it takes. Pride is not an emotion that comes often to me but in this case I was beaming with it.

I am also beaming with pride at my wonderful daughters. They have been so joyous in the upcoming baby and looking at new things to get when the baby arrives. We have had quite a few times of lost tempers and late nights with them, but they have been open and receptive. They have brought much joy to me and my wife.

My wife has been progressing at her new job and making leaps and bounds in advancing her career. She has jumped in with two feet and is making a difference. She is pushing forward with new training and helping and working all while growing a person inside of her. She is my life and my joy and I cannot imagine life without her.

As I continue on in life, I have decided to expand upon an idea that I have held in my mind for quite a while. I have always had the belief in taking time to personally thank people, send a message of encouragement, or just to be there for them. I have had a few opportunities pop up for these events to occur and I have tried to pounce upon them when they do. One of my faiths biggest commandments is to love one another and I hold fast to that. Loving people.

Simple concept, difficult to execute.

I hope to make a difference in peoples lives and to show them that they matter. Everyone needs love, including myself, and I can only hope for opportunity to bring it to them.

#hugapony my friends.

Nightmare Nights 2016 Day 1.

Yes yes, I am back once again at Nightmare Nights 2016. I will be bringing you the best pictures of cosplay and all the best things I see while at the event. I hope you all enjoy them! I will be posting everyday for the next three days! Tag yourself, drop a line, or if you are at the event, come say hey!!