Pain invades my sleep.

It has been a bad couple of weeks. Pain has been a constant reminder of my condition. An aggravating and hard reminder. One that reminds me that, yes, I am sick. A reminder I wish I could forget.

Waking up in pain makes me never forget. You lay in bed feeling like a major test in school is waiting for you, that you just worked out so hard your body is screaming, and if you even tried to roll out of bed and hit the floor, you would not feel it as your are at your pain level cap. I hurry to get pills in me and have them start working as soon as possible. A baby waits to be taken care of and I am responsible for this 7 month old bundle of joy and energy. I have to get going as soon as she wakes up.

Coffee is my nectar of the gods very morning.

Pain is also available in the evening, free of charge. I hurt in the hours leading up to the time when I can lay down to not sleeping. My body does not relax and is tight from being in pain all day. Insomnia sets in for a few hours. I used to be able to fall asleep in under a minute. I trained myself in college to fall asleep fast as I had 3 noisy roommates. Those days are gone now.

And now pain invades my dreams.

I had a dream last night. Dreams are a rare occurrence. Most nights I can’t fall into REM sleep. This night I was given a very strange view of my life. In this dream, I was hooked to a morphine pump for my pain and told to press the button as often as I needed it. As soon as I felt the pain, I would hit the button. Every 5 minutes I would press it. Over and over again. The pain never left me. It was dulled for about 30 seconds. Then it came back. For what seemed like hours I tried to fight off this pain. It never went away.

I woke to my usual pain and I grew afraid. Was this my life? Was this my fate and destiny to be chained to drugs? This is what drives people to depression. This is what causes anxiety. To be under constant bombardment and never getting a moments peace.

On common theme I see in my fellow pain warriors is when we do get a low pain day, we over-do it. We push ourselves and celebrate. We try so hard to live a normal life, even for a day. To get that day of relief is a blessing. It keeps us sane for when the next comes crashing down. It keeps us going.

I fully understand my need for help. I understand my need for medicine and how it helps me. I know some days, most days I would not be able to get out of bed without this help. This blessing and curse.

And my constant pain reminder that follows me.

#hugapony my friends

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That Next Big Thing.

I am going to take a moment and something amazing. My article has struck a chord and resonated with many people. It has now been published at TheMighty.com, three of their Facebook pages, 3 (!) more news pages, and has been put on twitter with a large Spoonie group. I have to share the links cause it is so amazing.
 
 
The word is spreading. It is incredibly humbling to share with so many amazing people. I am honored to be one to speak out. Let us keep the momentum going.
 
I love you all.
 
#hugapony.

Midweek quickie

I had a interesting weekend with a small social experiment. My sister posted the following picture and had some fun writing. I joined as well and post this picture.

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I soon sat down to enjoy having a bit of fun and work on my creative writing skills. I realized my mistake after 30 min.

Everyone was posting on it.

10, 15, 20, 25. They came in twos and threes. Everyone enjoying the short blurbs about themselves. I felt my phone going off every 10 min with another one. I cursed my sister (who promptly reminded me that I shared the picture voluntarily). I couldn’t sleep as I had more stories to write…..

In all honesty, it was a wonderful time and a big stretch of my writing and creative muscles. Thank you all who posted.

Just a reminder that this Saturday, Oct 28 @ 12pm, I will be have the My Stuffed Little Therapy panel at Nightmare Nights in Addison, Tx. I would love to see each and every one of you there.

Have a wonderful week everyone!

#hugapony my friends.

Event time!

I have an announcement! I will be having a Stuffed Therapy panel at Nightmare Nights next month! This is a My Little Pony convention in North Dallas, Tx on Oct 27-29th. My panel is set for 12 pm on Sat the 28th. I am very excited to be bringing my panel to even more people. I love being able to talk about the benefits of stuffed therapy and how it can help you. Being able to help people with their anxiety and depression is always enjoyable.

I hope to see some of you there!DanielPermenter

#hugapony my friends!

3 Year anniversary

3 years ago I decided on a journey to help others fight anxiety and depression with plushies and ponies. This was a journey of self discovery and meant really just to channel my feelings and emotions. There was such a draw and almost demand for more that overtook and surprised me. It was a welcome joy to have a platform to help others.

Over the last 3 years, I have gotten to meet a few of you in person. It is always an amazing experience to see how you have personally effected someone’s life in a positive way. In all honesty, it is what keeps me going some days. I have my bad days and there is always someone who brightens my day. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

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Looking ahead, I hope to be more active in have panels and have more of an online presence. I have a few articles with The Might.com in the works and a writing project that I have shared with a very select few of you that I hope to bring to light one day.

If I have effected you in some way over the last 3 years with my blog, Please post a comment somewhere here or on social media. I promise to respond.

Once again thank you all!

#hugapony my friends.

Sara-hah-oh?

I have been seeing a lot of friends who have been using the private messaging thing that has been so popular around here lately. I have nothing against anyone who uses it. Seeing professions of love and hate spew forth makes it interesting to see. Trying to find out who these lovers/haters are have been driving some people to go to great lengths to find out who it is.

The thought had crossed my mind to try it out but I would rather tell you all to your faces and would rather people tell me to my face what we actually think. Honesty is better in my opinion. I would rather say to your face what I think about you. If you want honesty, you will get it. My family has a saying, “If you want my opinion on something, we will ask you 3 times. Each time we will ask ‘Are you SURE you want my honest opinion?’ ‘Do you want me to tell you what you want to hear or do you want to hear my honest opinion.'” We will give it, whether you like it or not.
I will say this.
I love you all and think each one of you is special. If you are reading this blog you are important to me. If you want more details just ask and I will tell you. I will give you all the information I know about you, and I will be honest, if you want me to be. Wherever you see this, ask and I will give you what I think.
I would love to hear from all of you about what you think of me. Good, bad, ugly. I would rather see people for what they actually think of me and not what people show me. I am a big boy, I can handle it.
If we had a bit more honesty in the world, maybe it would not be such a bad place.
May your day be great and may your coffee cup never be empty.
#hugapony my friends

Finding time.

Time is a thief. It steals away the good moments, the ones we want to last forever, away from us in the blink of an eye. It then injects itself in those embarrassing moments, making them stretch for an eternity. Time is a trickster. It makes games out of our lives.

I am not a fan of time.

We use phrases like “Stealing a moment”, “Finding some time” or my favorite “My time is too valuable.” Time is a commodity. It is something people seek out. It can be traded, borrowed, sold, and spent. It is one of our primary resources as human beings.

Our time on earth is limited. We do not know the limits, the start and stopping points of our lives. We carry on each day with this precious resource called time. We sell our time for money with jobs. We spend a third of our lives using it to sleep and recharge our batteries at night time. So much of our time goes into everything.

Except, I believe, ourselves.

I have heard many say they need some time to themselves, but how many of us actually do that? How many of us have actually looked in the mirror and thought about yourself and your own existence? How many of us spend time in our own brains? What kind a person is behind our eyes?

Do you like that person?

Do you even know that person?

Have you even thought about your own thoughts?

Take a moment and spend some time to meet the most important person in the world.

You.

Have you spent time thinking about you? No, not the person you think you are to others. Not the person influenced by those around you. Not the person from work that everyone loves/hates.

Have you ever thought about you, and how you think?

Have you taken the time to get to know you?

I hope you like that person. Its the only one you get.

#hugapony my friends

Back in the Saddle again.

I have taken today by the horns and started writing. Again. I have taken a sabbatical from it to refresh my mind and handle life events. I return today feeling ready to start again.

Writing has a way of clearing my mind and making a way for new thoughts and ideas. I have mulled over a paper/book thing for a while now and I have hopes of continuing on in this pursuit.

Scared? You bet I am.

It is always hard to put yourself out there in front of people and share what you think. In today’s society, this is more true than ever. The current political and social environment make it quite difficult to express an idea or view.

This makes me quite sad.

How many writers, painters, and scientists are being squashed beneath the overbearing weight of the public eye? How many of these are being judged in the open court of public opinion?

Sharing yourself is a scary business.

I will continue on in this endeavor. I will try and share my ideas and thoughts to the world, God willing.

I hope you will join me.

#hugapony My friends.

Return to Madness

Hello my dear readers. I am glad to give you an update on life, the universe and everything. It has been a crazy couple of months and I owe it to you dear reader, to give a quick account of recent events. I do plan on having posts for most of these events, but I do have my largest convention I work (A-kon 28 in Ft Worth, Texas) this week and I will have to descend into that madness filled rabbit hole. But here is a quick list to expect:

  1. Bedbugs and Apartment roles. Let me tell you that this was a nightmarish 2 months that I will try my hardest to forget.
  2. Packing and moving. With bedbugs it was a “joy”. Under pressure and a time crunch was even worse. Add in fibromyalgia and it was hell.
  3. Buying a house. Now this was an amazing, wonderful, terrifying experience only to be made worse at times with incompetent people. We did get the house in the end.
  4. Having my third daughter. She is a wonderful joy. It was fun doing all of the above and below with either a pregnant wife (who was absolutely amazing) or a new baby. just an added layer of stress.
  5. Wedding. A family member got married and it was great to have family together for it. Babies met baby, grandmothers met babies, babies were EVERYWHERE. Seriously there is something in the water.
  6. A-Kon 28. We end this past 2 month roller coaster ride with the second largest convention of its kind in the USA. Unfortunately, I will not have my personal panel there but I will be with friends at this panel:

“Two Men Walk Into A Bar”

Sheraton Hotel – Thursday 8PM-9:30PM Magnolia rooms III & IV

So there is life updates. I am still here and still being your best pony pal and sharing life with all of you. I hope to see some of you at A-kon this year (click link for more info) May your day be great and,

#hugapony my friends