Happy thoughts.

It was a rough week last week. I cut out the primary pain medication I have been taking for almost 2 years. I am writing a post on it but it is still very emotional and painful for me to write about. In the meantime, I decided to write about something positive. Thinking positive in efforts to help those around me.

Today was Halloween and I was able to be with my wife and kids for most of the day. That alone is a positive. I have missed quite a few family events due to work and I was able to capitalize on this one, mush to my joy. It made me very happy.

I also was able to put on my ears for work. Being Halloween, they allowed some dress up. I personally try to seize every opportunity to have some fun and inject some craziness into everyone’s life. It reminded me of when I was a teenager.

In my teens I worn a rubber dog nose everywhere. Literally everywhere. I wore it for such long periods of time that the string broke. I wore it so much my face would have indentations for hours afterwards from where the plastic would have embedded itself in my face. I wore it to school, I wore it to go shopping, I even wore it to church! Why did I do it?

To make people smile.

Some of my favorite times were when I had a child or a grandmother smile because of what I was wearing. Seeing their faces light up with joy always brought a smile to me. Some kids would point and laugh and that’s okay some of them weren’t old enough to understand what I was doing. I just wanted to bring a little joy and light into the world and I felt I did by just wearing a simple dog nose.
Oh I had some of the older folks frown on me and tell me that I was doing something wrong which never made any sense to me. The occasional mother who would hush your child from having a laugh at my expense which was perfectly okay in my opinion. Still the mothers quieted the children because they did not want to cause a scene or any type of attention to what I was doing. It would always make me sad seeing somebody frown or look down upon me because of something I was doing. All I tried to do was just bring a little joy and light into everyone else’s lives around me.

When I worked at GameStop, I made sure to go out of my way to do you things, again, to bring a smile to people’s faces. Dressing up for a special event, or wearing the silliest hat to make people stop and laugh. Joy is something best spread around in my opinion and so I did my best to spread it around as much as I could. Being able to turn someone’s bad day into a good day was always a great feeling for me and I’m pretty sure it was a good feeling for those who I helped as well.

So tonight when I came into work I decided to throw on my ever so loved ears that I wear, again, pretty much everywhere. My co-workers all gave me a smile and said I was being silly. I told them right back that this is something that makes the night go by faster when you’re working. I had four or five customers come up to me and tell me how much they like my hat and in my opinion that’s me doing a good job and providing excellent customer service. Any chance of having a little silliness or having a little fun, especially at work, is a chance I always try to jump on.

And so dear reader, I hope that by sharing my story, I inspire you to do something to make someone else smile today. I welcome any and all comments in which you’ve made someone else’s day a little bit brighter. In this time of election, where the country and families seem to be torn apart by anger or hate  it seems only fitting to try and bring joy into other people’s lives. One of the things I’ve always noticed about bringing a smile to others is the smile that comes back to me. I do hope my story cheers you up a little and that you have a wonderful day.

#hugapony my friends.

I dedicate this post to JL. I hope I bring a little smile to you with this post.

Apologies post number 1.

This will probably be one of many as life has taken a turn for the busy.

I have started a new retail job (yay?) and it is an overnight position. It makes it fun when you come home to everyone sleeping in the morning. This has taken more of my time than I care to admit. 

The new job has also taken a toll on the body. I am in more pain than usual and it is harder to keep up with my writing. I have to fight to just get up and walk around some days. I can force myself at work to keep going and I have always had a tremendous work ethic so I am having to learn to pace myself more and more. It is hard because I fight my brain on being lazy.

I have been given a newer perspective on life during this. I have been forced to stop and think before I speak. While my writing has always been a better outlet for composing my thoughts (I highly recommend that if you want to focus your mind better, writing things down clears the head), I am now forced to think before speaking. This is partly in due to the medication and symptom (mind fog) that makes it incredibly hard to get words out. 

I want to thank my dear wife and wonderful kids on being patient with me and repeating themselves several times over so I can acknowledge what they are saying.

I hope to continue to write as an encouragement to you, dear reader. I hope that you find strength and hope in what I write. I love you all. 

#hugapony my friends.

Begin again.

I’ve been scared to write for the past while. It’s not something that I have had to deal with in the past. I’ve always found words to be able to explain myself or to vent my feelings or even to help other people out. I find myself more and more afraid of sharing in the most recent weeks.

I went to the doctor here recently and was prescribed more medication. It has been a rough time adjusting to that and my other meds. I am finding it much harder to focus and to write and be creative. It has gotten bad enough that I haven’t posted in over a week which is something that I haven’t done since starting my blog over two years ago. Words don’t flow the way they used to and even the simplest tasks seem harder now days. I’ve even been contemplating not continuing my blog and ending it where it stands now.
I have decided against doing so.
I know my blog has been an inspiration to quite a few people. I have received more than one note or letter from people telling me how much they appreciate me writing and helping them through difficult times. I feel somewhat responsible for helping continue to help people out through tough times in their lives. That is not something I can throw away very lightly.
And so I asked my dear friends, please bare with me over the next coming weeks as I am continuing to adjust to this new life on more meds. I have recently started a overnight stocking job for a large retail company as well to keep things mixed up. I also had some other interesting life news happen that I cannot share at this time. Some of that news was good and some of it was bad. Rest assure I will continue to do my best to help encourage others, and continue documenting my journey through depression and anxiety and other invisible disabilities.
I thank you all who read this. Know that I love each and everyone of you and I look forward to bringing you more words of wisdom and encouragement.

#hugapony my friends.

Love Letter

We all need love. As humans, it is something we all want. I want everyone on this blog to know that I love you. You read this blog and by doing so you show me love. I am called by my God to love everyone. I do my best and try to help those I love. I feel my purpose is to share love in this world. I feel my purpose is to help others. I have a wife whom I love dearly. I have two amazing daughters that I love.

And I have all of you as well.

 

If you ever feel like no one loves you, bookmark this page. Read it again. Watch an amazing video. Leave a comment (once or a thousand times), I will respond each time. Someone loves you always. I believe that by sharing love, we might be able to stop some of the hate.

I love you all.

#hugapony my friends.

Quicky. Busy season.

I have been in the busy season for conventions. August is very busy month for me. I have worked 5 events in 6 weeks, including several panels for my Invisible disability panel. 

While this has been enjoyable helping and working, I have not had the time to sit down and write as much as I should. I apologize and I hope to be back in the swing of things soon.

Know that I love you all and that you are all wonderful people. I want you to remember that you (yes, you) are wonderfully made and are special to me.

#hugapony

Camp Kaboom.

Kudos to those who get the title. I am off serving as a leader for for church’s preteen camp. I am unsure as to if and when I can post. I will back this Friday so if nothing else, expect me then. 

If something changes, expect me earlier. 

I have a few things on my mind as I leave for this journey. I am not fond of the outdoors as I was in the past. I also get tired more easily in the sun. This will be my first overnight trip like this on my meds with people who have never been around me while not on meds. Lot of unknowns. It makes me a might twitchy. 

My love and prayers to all of you while I am gone. Know that while I cannot write, I will still be praying and thinking of everyone. Take care while I am gone. 

Until Friday,

D

#hugapony my friends.

The Great Unknown.

It has not been a good day/week/month/year mentally. I have undergone many a issue. I have worked harder on finding out more about myself and what is going on. I have worked harder on myself and my illness. I have tried to make things change. I have pushed to have more control over my life.

And I feel back behind square one.

Square Zero.

I am tired of being tired. I am tired of being sick. I am tired of hurting every single day. I am tired of being a mess.

I decided to write what I feel and what goes through my head when I am having a bad day. I wanted to show what goes through my head and what my mind is telling me. I wanted to see on paper and hold my issues in my hand. Try and see the tangible evidence of my mind spiraling out of control. I only wrote for about a minute, but it was not pretty.

I AM SELF-CENTERED. I am an idiot. I am a horrid person. I am a failure. I bring everyone down around me. No one wants me. No one actually cares for me. No one wants to give me anything. No one wants to do something for me without wanting something in return. I always feel guilty, even when sitting and reading. I don’t take care of the kids. I don’t fulfill anyone’s hopes, dreams, desires. I am not attractive. 

I am trying to sort through just went through my head what my mind tells me.

I know I am not a complete failure. (But you fail at so much)

I know I take care of my kids. (You don’t do enough)

I know people care for me. (They are just faking or feeling sorry for you out of pity)

I know my wife and kids love me. (They have to, they don’t have a choice)

I should not feel guilty about sitting and reading. (You are lazy for taking time for yourself and need to be helping others or cleaning or anything but what you want to do)

My mind is a battleground. I wanted share this with everyone. Not for pity or help. But to show that I suffer as well. I fight each day. I have people fighting with me. I am seeking new ideas and ways to help/sort/better myself.

You are not alone, dear reader.

Even holding the card in my hand, I see myself and almost want to take pity on me. I have to write things down to get them out of my head? Worthless. Even now I struggle to be free of my mind.

Even now I hug a pony.

 

 

 

Faith

This is an old post that hadn’t made it out due to internet issues. I have a backlog of post since moving into a new [place and getting internet (yay!) I hope y’all enjoy the read!

 

Faith is something I don’t bring up much. Not because I find myself not wanting to offend someone. For me, it is more personal. My faith is my faith. It is something I treasure and draw upon.

Today I was reminded of how much I am loved by my God.

I was given all the cash by my wife that we had in hopes of getting my van past inspection. My van is very old and the only vehicle we have. It is very difficult to pass inspection due to several issues. We had the check engine light off and so I took the chance to go get it inspected. I cross my fingers that it would pass. While checking the van, the tech noticed that the back tire was very low but not enough to fail me. The tech was looking at me oddly as he knew the van had more than a few miles on it and wasn’t not expecting it to pass.

Surprise surprise.

It passed.

I was joyous as the tech was beyond thorough. I then called my wife joyous and went to fill up the tire on the way to get the van reregistered.

Disaster.

I had a nail in the tire.

I drove quickly to a tire shop and payed to have it plugged in the hopes it would hold.

It held.

Another miracle for me as that never happens.

I drove to the local office to renew the registration but was informed that because it was expired so long I had to go to the government office.

Joy.

I went home to grab one last paper for registration when I counted my money left from everything.

77 dollars.

Please be enough.

I went to the government office and started the paperwork. Texas has a few new rules with everything and was charging more than last year. I held my breath as she gave me the total.

77 dollars.

Even.

I couldn’t believe it. I not only passed inspection, a flat, and still had the money to register. By the exact amount.

God is good.

I had a counseling session with my pastor and he pointed out one big take a way for me.

Happiness is were you are happy but waiting for when times go bad. Waiting for the other shoe to drop. Joy is looking for the good things in every situation. I should be looking for joy, not happiness. It struck a chord with me.

I find joy in my ponies.

I find joy in my blog.

Hug a ponies my Friends. I needed a win.

Before move quicky

I am moving tomorrow and will be setting up internet later this week. Before I go dark for a few days, I want to share a photo.

image

Themighty.com sent me a card and a shirt thanking me for my articles that they published. It is a small gesture with a mighty impact (see what I did there). I am beyond humbled and cannot thank everyone who follows and reads my posts enough.

#hugaplushie my friends