Vblog Vol 2

Hopefully James Gunn won’t sue me for using the Guardians of the Galaxy 2 name, but I don’t think I am much of a threat. Yes, I managed to do another stuffed therapy video and it wait months to do it. This one is much more pony related but I was very excited, as you can tell.

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Contentment v Complacent

I have been know to be complacent from time to time. I get caught in a rut and just coast through my day as best as I can. While not good, I have felt that it just gets me through another day and I am able to hope for a better one tomorrow.

Contentment is something I am striving for now. I want to be content in what I have and what I live with. Contentment is feeling happy regardless of your life at that moment. It is looking for the joy in your life and the small things that help make it through the day.

I find that a lot of people confuse the two. They are not interchangeable. Complacent is lazy. It allows people and events around you to control you. It forces itself on you. You become Complacent. Contentment is looking and choosing to accept what is going on around you. You can still have bad days and be content. It is a state of being.

I have tried always to go from a human doing to a human being.

I am by no means perfect. My wife likes to comment on how people try to be perfect and strive for that perfectionism; people who try, always fail at being perfect. I agree, no one will ever be perfect. But you can be content. People who are content live better lives with less stress.

Now please don’t mistake contentment with complacency. You can be content and still strive for a better life with more in it. Here is where people veer off and think that by being content they do not strive for more. Complacency does this. You accept your lot in life and that is all you can hope for. The cards dealt you a hand that is horrid and you got to play on through. Contentment is realizing that you might can win with your cards already but, if not, you get another round the next deal.

Complacency is stagnant.

Contentment is found joy.

I have had to do serious thinking about my life and my mental and physical health in the recent months. I have had to make choices that will affect my life. I have had to recognize my own complacency. I have just accepted my fate and I have to live with it. We all have to live my mental illness and disability. I am making those around me, nay, forcing those around me to accept me and my condition.

Selfish no?

I now acknowledge that I started that path. I am not proud of it. I am now working towards contentment. I am working on helping others; either through panels or my blog or even a phone call from a friend. In a most recent panel, I talked about how my life has given me a superpower, my condition. It makes me more aware and effective in helping others. If I can show compassion and help others, who else will it inspire? I am choosing to be a better person and be content.

So I ask you, are you content or complacent?

I choose joy. I choose to find joy. I choose my soft plush ponies to hug and help me through bad times and am thankful for them. I am thankful for my family and friends who accept me. I am choosing to be grateful for my life. Complacency is a breeding-ground for bitterness and bitterness helps no one.

What do you choose?

#hugapony my friends.20141024_131856

A-kon panel #2

My second A-kon panel was not an easy one. I was part of a group that spoke on invisible diseases and disabilities. I was asked several months before, if I wanted to be a part of it. I jumped at the opportunity to speak. Unusual for a introvert like me. I, however, know that I have a way with words and thoughts and feelings. I know I can help people.

That I have, indeed, helped people.

We all gathered in a panel room, all unsure of what to expect. The room was almost filled. We sat down and our head panelist called everyone’s attention.

And we talked.

We, as the panelists, gave our stories. We gave our backgrounds and our illnesses. We gave our experiences. As our stories were told, I ended up passing some of the ponies I carry on me (my talisman against the evils of depression and anxiety) up and down the panel line to help every get through their stories. We gave a piece of ourselves to the crowd.

And they responded.

I do not believe there was a dry eye in the room. I saw some people get up and leave, only to come back with tissues.

Some cried for us. I had a close friend who said they could only see us as people she couldn’t help and wept. She had me in tears when I talked to her afterward. This kind and loving soul said she just wanted to give us all a big hug and make everything better.

Some cried with us. Some in the audience stood up to thank us. They were amazed that we had the courage to speak. They said they didn’t feel alone any more. We all were in a room that was a safe place, and the audience opened up.

It was awe inspiring.

After the panel the crowd came up to talk to each of us. Some wanted to know more of what we do to work through our illnesses. Others to reach out with encouragement. One will forever stick in my mind.

I have a wonderful young lady come up to me and thank me for speaking. She told me she had been fighting her own anxiety that day and had almost left several times, but she wanted to attend our panel. She said she was so glad she did. I thanked her for coming and started talking about what she had been through. She started to cry as I could see her beating herself up for having the anxiety but she didn’t know what else to do. She had nothing to help her.

She didn’t have a talisman against the dark.

I pulled out my mini Fluttershy and handed it to her. She took it as she wiped away tears. As she started to calm down, I asked her if she had heard of stuffed therapy. She said she had during my presentation but didn’t know much more than that. I told her that the plushie she held was the first step in helping. I showed her how much she had calmed down just by holding it and petting it. I showed her a weapon to fight with.

And I gave her my talisman.

The room stopped. Many there knew my symbol of stuffed therapy. Some knew it was my first plushie in this adventure. They knew it was my mini Fluttershy, and how special it was to me. Tears started to flow from my friends who were still in shock.

This wonderful person who clutched at the plushie started crying and hugged me tight. She thanked me over and over. She took a step back and looked at Fluttershy again. As she looked, I explained that that was my first plushie. I told her that I had it when I first went to the doctor. She look on in shock as I explained how much love and help that mini had given me. Shock then spread to the rest of the room as everyone saw me tell her that I wanted this dear girl, who was suffering, that I wanted her to take care of Fluttershy.

She broke down crying and hugged me again even tighter.

I said a quiet goodbye to one of my dearest friend who brought me so much strength and love. I passed her on to the next person to take care of her. I strengthen someone else to help them through life. I started to cry myself.

Everyone started to cry.

I am tearing up thinking about it now. I wonder how she is doing? I wonder how her mini Fluttershy is doing? I wonder if I helped enough?

I believe I did.

Goodbye once more, my dear friend. May you bring happiness and peace and love and joy to another as you did me. You were there for countless panic attacks. You were with me at my first doctors visit. You were there in the hospital when I was sick. You were there in the lowest times of my life. May you do well and do the same for her.

#hugapony my friends.

Faith

This is an old post that hadn’t made it out due to internet issues. I have a backlog of post since moving into a new [place and getting internet (yay!) I hope y’all enjoy the read!

 

Faith is something I don’t bring up much. Not because I find myself not wanting to offend someone. For me, it is more personal. My faith is my faith. It is something I treasure and draw upon.

Today I was reminded of how much I am loved by my God.

I was given all the cash by my wife that we had in hopes of getting my van past inspection. My van is very old and the only vehicle we have. It is very difficult to pass inspection due to several issues. We had the check engine light off and so I took the chance to go get it inspected. I cross my fingers that it would pass. While checking the van, the tech noticed that the back tire was very low but not enough to fail me. The tech was looking at me oddly as he knew the van had more than a few miles on it and wasn’t not expecting it to pass.

Surprise surprise.

It passed.

I was joyous as the tech was beyond thorough. I then called my wife joyous and went to fill up the tire on the way to get the van reregistered.

Disaster.

I had a nail in the tire.

I drove quickly to a tire shop and payed to have it plugged in the hopes it would hold.

It held.

Another miracle for me as that never happens.

I drove to the local office to renew the registration but was informed that because it was expired so long I had to go to the government office.

Joy.

I went home to grab one last paper for registration when I counted my money left from everything.

77 dollars.

Please be enough.

I went to the government office and started the paperwork. Texas has a few new rules with everything and was charging more than last year. I held my breath as she gave me the total.

77 dollars.

Even.

I couldn’t believe it. I not only passed inspection, a flat, and still had the money to register. By the exact amount.

God is good.

I had a counseling session with my pastor and he pointed out one big take a way for me.

Happiness is were you are happy but waiting for when times go bad. Waiting for the other shoe to drop. Joy is looking for the good things in every situation. I should be looking for joy, not happiness. It struck a chord with me.

I find joy in my ponies.

I find joy in my blog.

Hug a ponies my Friends. I needed a win.

Post A-kon Report

I had a time. It was grand and terrifying. I worked longer and hard than at any other convention I had ever attended. I worked with some of the most amazing people. I cannot thank them enough.

I had a chance to be a part of two fantastic panels. I plan on sharing my thoughts on those in my next post. There was so much fun to be had and many a tear shed in one.

I even gave away something very dear to me.

I am trying to recuperate and get rest while getting ready to move again. I want to thank all of you who read this and follow me on this journey. I checked my twitter and I had over 95,000 impressions in 28 days with a one day of 33,000 impressions as a top day for me. I am humbled beyond reason.

Thank you and love to you all.

A-kon panels!!!

I will be at not just one but 2 (!) A-kon panels this year. I invite anyone coming out to see me at either one!!

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Two men walk into a bar presents:
Middle of nowhere!
https://www.facebook.com/events/1735882090025164/

This is a panel with my friends Nick and Ronin (with guests) and we talk everything from My Little Pony to video games and everything in-between. We have combined years of social media experience and helpful tips from running blogs to promoting music and more!!

Then my second panel.

Check out Non-Visible, Otaku with non-visible disabilities at A-Kon 27.

“Making friends in the con community can be hard, but doing so with non-visible disabilities is harder. Being nerdy can be hard when you don’t fit in in your own community.

Come to this panel to learn ways and tips to help make friends, not seem too overbearing, help in anxiety and panic attacks, and anger management tips.”

I AM SO EXCITED!!

I hope to see anyone out there. If are able to make it, stop by and see me!! I would love to say hi and share a moment.

See you at A-Kon 27!!

For more info http://www.a-kon.com

Picking up a med pack.

I am doing better. Thank you all who were concerned. I was running a fever into the 100s and as for the 2 worse days, I don’t have any memory of them. Brain stopped working and my whole body was aching. It was a REALLY high fever. Still, I am on the mend and picking back up on life.

There was some big news that came out. I GOT A JOB!! (cue fanfare). I am now a website evaluator for companies like Google, Bing and Yahoo. It is part-time and work from home. It is a perfect fit for me and my family. Thank you all for your prayers and concerns

I will hopefully in the next few weeks be able to get some things in order and be able to commit to writing bigger better longer pieces. Also stay tuned for some upcoming guest appearances at conventions!

Peace and love to you all.

#hugapony

The quicker picker upper post.

Yesterday was a really rough day. Some personal things fell through, I was overly stressed taking my final test for the job (still no idea if I passed) and then I ended the day with a migraine.

It was not my favorite.

I had a close friend of mine give me some encouragement. I will refer to her as the Tea friend. Tea was so amazing and helpful because she goes through hell and back and still manages to take time to help me and others. She is one I look at and question my own pain and it makes me realize that I have no place to complain at times. She has been a wonderful friend for years and I love her dearly. She was also one of the friends that help me meet my wife.

I cannot thank her enough.

I am thinking, because life is about to be crazy for the next month, I am going to do a series on thanking people in my life. I hope it encourages you to remember to thank everyone around you.

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Second Prances

This is a quick post as life has turned VERY busy. I love writing in this blog and I have so many posts to finish but I am having to put this further down on the list. I was given a second chance at a job that I had applied for here recently. I am hoping it doesn’t error out on me again causing me to fail. My dearest wife has started a second job (YAY!) meaning I have more time at home with the kids.

#stayathomeDAD

I want everyone to know I am alive and well and even more amazingly, I am hopeful. It is rare that I get this way. It is very fragile and I hold hope very dearly. It can be strong and powerful if it comes to life for me. Until I have a chance to post what I have and life gets uncrazy, please stand by.

#hugapony

#stuffedtherapy

PS Yes I stole all the title from the most recent My Little Pony episode. I hope you bronies who follow caught that.  Hasbro please don’t sue me 🙂 

The Reichenbach Fall

all_shades_of_fluttershy_by_nettrip-d6b2nkc

I have worked hard these past few weeks to be more positive. I have tried to fight my depression and work through my anxiety when it rises. I have toiled and fought through in trying new things. I have helped quite a few people in this time. I appreciate all those who have messaged me and told me I had helped you. My medications have helped buffer the lower moments. So much going right.

And so much going wrong.

I have been putting the positive face on for a while now. I want to apologize for not being as open and honest with you, dear reader, as I should have been. I have put my faith and hope that I can do things and have problems work out. They have not worked.

And it has been a millstone around my neck.

I am currently trying to find another place to live as I am moving in May. I have been trying to find a job that I can do that does not interfere with my watching my daughters, homeschooling them, babysitting a little boy, and taking care of the house. I have started to look for some writing jobs even, as I believe I have done well on this blog. It just seems that life starts to fray apart instead of staying together.

My days of pain and sadness are slowly seeping in and I am trying to hold back the tide. I am just needing life to break free in just one area. I just want one personal problem to be resolved in a positive manner.

I have the inner fear of what effects this has on my family. My daughters already look into how stressed me and my wife are at times and they react to it. I already see my eldest daughter starting to face the anxiety demons that I have faced in the past. While I am glad I am there for her and can help her through it, it is still a burden.

I am doing my best to remain positive. I hope to continue to write and maybe get a job writing full-time. This blog is a place for me to share and vent. I hope to have better news in the future.

Until next time.

#hugapony