Happy Holidays

Winter has come and brought its dark skies and cold nights to us. In this time of joyous celebration and hot cocoa, Let us all take some time to pay attention to those around us who may need some help. From single mothers and divorced dads, to those who illness is worsened by the cold, to the quite children who don’t get swept up in all the bright festivities. Someone will be in your life that will need a little encouragement.

It amazes me that so many people can go through life and not realize what or who is around us. I watch as people ignore anything that does not pertain to them. Working retail makes this abundantly evident as people respond to your greetings with abrupt dismissal. We become so focused on what are doing, who do we need presents  for, how am I going to make all the parties that we tend to not see those of us who need help around us. In this spirit of giving and merry making, we miss those who are not able to enjoy the holidays.

I encourage all of us to go forth and find someone to help this holiday. It could be the single mother with 3 kids who just needs a night off. It could be the recently divorced dad who isn’t going to be able to spend time with his kids for the first time. It could be the person with the illness who cant make it to that party they always used to enjoy. Chances are I have described someone you know. You are thinking of them right now.

Act on that.

Stop doing things.

Start on being this holiday.

#hugapony

PS I have not had much time to write and for that I apologize. I have my next few posts planned to carry me into the new year. Thank you all who read this blog. As a reward, a small comic i found that speaks to me in so many ways.

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After the Black.

Another Black Friday has come and gone. I was fortunate not to have to work this one. I was able to spend time with my family and enjoy time off. I saw several other friends online who were able to be off for the first time, for some, in 25 years. It was heartening to see people having a good holiday.

For every person that had the day off, I saw two more who had to work. As it stands, I saw a reasonably good day on Friday and it seemed that people mostly behaved themselves. While tired, overworked employees abound, everyone survived. 

I look at this last month of the year with hesitation. I see many hard days coming soon and different problems to face. I look over this past year and the difficulties me and mine have handled. I look at my year in review post for new year’s and I see so much that had happened. I honestly can’t remember a year that has flown by this quickly. 

I have an up and coming doctors appointment at which I have to confront my doctor about my medical condition. I am at the point at which my depression is under control for the most part. My anxiety is managed when I have an attack. However, I see my muscle and nerve pain has increased and my body fatigue and insomnia are through the roof and I know more is going on with me. I need more than just pills. I need some answers. 

I need to be diagnosed. Correctly.

I look at family. I want to do so much more for them and I feel I am being held back by so many things. My body can’t keep up. Job opportunities are not there, much less my current job. I just want to be there more for my family. 

I look at my blog. This diary of good times and bad. I see the people I have helped and the trials that I faced. I look at the joy I have spread and the sorrow I helped people through. I see it all and know in my heart that I could do more. 

I can always do more. 

I can always do more to make the world a better place. 

I just don’t have the energy to keep going sometimes. I feel trapped in this shell of a body. The pain and exhaustion overwhelms me. All I can think of is to press on. 

I do it for my family

I do it for you. 

I do it for me.

H

#hugapony my friends

Anime North Texas 2016

I have just come back from working yet another convention. I am tired. This one I worked guest relations. I hung out with so many great people. They inspired me to do more with my blog and even encouraged me to do more to help others. A few even made it to my disabilities panel. Here are the amazing people I had the pleasure of working with.

Caleb Hyles is a Youtube star with singing power that leaves me in awe. I had the oppurtunity to sit down with him and his wife and share life stories and other craziness. If you haven’t checked him out, do so at: https://www.youtube.com/user/CalebsCovers/featured

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Gareth West is an up and coming anime super star! He is an extremely talented voice actor who has an amazing passion for his fans. Hanging out with Gareth was so much fun this weekend and made me so happy. Check out his Facebook here: https://www.facebook.com/gareth.west.90

Cherami Leigh is a complete sweetheart. She has a resume that baffles the mind as to how much work she has done. As always, she brought her mom out to the show with her. Cherami is one that the fans love and adore. More on her bellow.  http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0473873/

Double feature with Kristen McGuire and Chuck Huber.

Kristen is a crazy awesome person who cannot stop drawing on people’s plushies. Her voice work and her art is a one, two combo to make you want to love her more. I am still waiting on her Cat Girl #2 comic. Her info is http://kriscomics.com/

Chuck works so hard to be there for his fans. Even when he is not supposed to be somewhere, he will pop out of nowhere and surprise everyone. A long time, hard working actor who puts in time with his fans was a crowd favorite. http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0399321/

Aaron Roberts. My pony brother from another mother. I need to buy him more pony stuff. He was one of the first to arrive and one of the last to leave. His panels were packed with good information and audience pleasing fun. Check him out at http://www.behindthevoiceactors.com/Aaron-Roberts/

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Greg Ayres is another one of those hard working folks that has a huge laundry list of projects with his name in them. From working on anime to fighting bootleg items in the dealer rooms, it is amazing that he has even more to give with crazy nighttime club DJ hits. His list of amazing feats are here: http://www.behindthevoiceactors.com/greg-ayres/

So that was my weekend. It was long hours and hard work but it all paid off to be with such amazing people. I wanted to shout out to my staff who helped me, Star, Foxx, and AJ along with Sarah who kept guests happy in the green room. I am going to go sleep now for a week.

#hugaplushie my friends (just keep them away from Kristen)

Positive Power Thinking

It has been hard to stay positive in the past few weeks. With the hate going on for the election from almost everyone, to the pain of life and body with me personally, to the fears of issues with my car and apartment, it has all been trying to distract me. Being focused on the positive has been exceptionally difficult.

But I have been here before.

I know this walls and darkness.

I can do better now.

One of the positives of coming off one of medications is my brain fog has lifted greatly. This has given me the ability to focus and think much more clearly for the first time in almost 2 years. I am not saying I haven’t been myself in that time, more of, I can do so with much less effort. I have always considered myself intelligent, and have been told so by others much more intelligent than I, and I feel like that part has been robbed from me in this time. Now it has taken quite a bit more to do my pain management as it takes a lot out of me to focus on not letting it effect my life. It is nice switch from focusing on my mind and thoughts to focusing on my body.

Looking ahead I have felt with the upcoming holidays, the presidential election and the results, and some more conventions, I am looking into spreading that positive thinking and prayer onto other people. In these times of holidays and the winter months, depression and loneliness can come over everyone. I am looking into a project that I have wanted to do for awhile.

It is no small task however.

I am wanting to go through my friends list on my personal social media sites, the email list of this blog, and all other outreaches I can and write at least one letter telling that personal that they are special and loved and that I am thinking and praying for them. I want to spread more love and joy to others.

And this is on top of my life, work, and writing on my blog.

However, I think the results would be more than worth it.

I am so thankful for what I have been given in my life. Yes, I write about my hard times and troubles here on my blog, but this is a great place to vent and to show others they are not alone in hardships or so that they know what someone living with invisible disabilities goes through. I have tried to show the opposite side of the coin and show the life and joy that can be had in spite of these trials. I have tried to bring something positive into this world.

I am trying my best to have an impact on this world, at least those in my reach, and be the most wonderful person I can be.

I ask you all, dear readers, that if you want to be part of my and joy making, I would ask you join the email list on my blog, follow my twitter or you can leave a message on this post or any others. I will see and respond. I will keep all information confidential, unless you say I can share it with others.

Lets bring back love for each other. Lets spread some joy.

#hugapony everyone.

Begin again.

I’ve been scared to write for the past while. It’s not something that I have had to deal with in the past. I’ve always found words to be able to explain myself or to vent my feelings or even to help other people out. I find myself more and more afraid of sharing in the most recent weeks.

I went to the doctor here recently and was prescribed more medication. It has been a rough time adjusting to that and my other meds. I am finding it much harder to focus and to write and be creative. It has gotten bad enough that I haven’t posted in over a week which is something that I haven’t done since starting my blog over two years ago. Words don’t flow the way they used to and even the simplest tasks seem harder now days. I’ve even been contemplating not continuing my blog and ending it where it stands now.
I have decided against doing so.
I know my blog has been an inspiration to quite a few people. I have received more than one note or letter from people telling me how much they appreciate me writing and helping them through difficult times. I feel somewhat responsible for helping continue to help people out through tough times in their lives. That is not something I can throw away very lightly.
And so I asked my dear friends, please bare with me over the next coming weeks as I am continuing to adjust to this new life on more meds. I have recently started a overnight stocking job for a large retail company as well to keep things mixed up. I also had some other interesting life news happen that I cannot share at this time. Some of that news was good and some of it was bad. Rest assure I will continue to do my best to help encourage others, and continue documenting my journey through depression and anxiety and other invisible disabilities.
I thank you all who read this. Know that I love each and everyone of you and I look forward to bringing you more words of wisdom and encouragement.

#hugapony my friends.

Something New

I have been working on a project for a bit now and I am finally ready to share it with the rest of the world. I have started a Patreon page. This is a website that helps support artists and writers, like a kick-starter or crowdfunding, and allows people like me income to support what we do.

https://patreon.com/user?u=3817496

I have been struggling with doing this for a bit now. I have never intended to monetize my blog (it will always be free if I can help it). However, with the time it take to do panels at conventions and speak (which I don’t get paid for) and the time and money it takes to work a blog (which also I don’t get paid for and I actually pay money to maintain) I have felt a need to move towards a support system.

It hasn’t been easy.

So I invite all of you, if you read what I have and enjoy what I do either online, in person, or at a convention, please feel free to donate! Thank you all!

#hugwp-1459723822817.jpgapony

The quickest of post

I am packing as I write this. I had a few quick updates to share with y’all (i am from the south, it’s how we talk).

1. A-kon.

I will be at A-kon for the next week. If you see me out there, please introduce yourself and say hey. I will be working some of the time and I have 2 panels that you are asked to see me if you would be so inclined.

2. Themighty.com

I have be published a SECOND time on their fabulous website and I could not be prouder. I am so happy to be able to reach out and help others. I am truely honored and touched by kind words on all sides. Thank you all. Link is below.

http://themighty.com/2016/05/stealing-joy-leaving-comfort-zone-to-treat-anxiety-and-depression/

3. In the midst of all the madness, I am moving right after this convention, so there may be a lapse in post due to life, the universe, and everything. I will be doing short A-kon posts for the next week. Soak up all of me that you can.

#hugapony my friends.

The woman of my life.

This is a very special post. This is dedicated to the only person in my life to whom I have put my whole faith, love, and devotion. It has been 10 years since our “I Do”.

She has stood by me through prosperity and poverty. Through sickness, death, and more. She is my rock, my safety, my great love. She has loved me when I found ponies. She BOUGHT me my first plushie.

She was one of the few girls at my college that caught my eye. She stood out special even then. She has an old world grace with a fiery spirit that tells it how it is. She has brought into this world 2 beautiful, talented, and super intelligent daughters. She has taught me to stand when I needed to stand.

That isn’t enough time in the world to say how much I love her or what she had done for me these last 10 years. Story after story she is the heroine and Savior. She has depths of compassion that no one can fathom.

A while ago I wrote her a love letter here. It never came close to showing her how much she means to me. I know this won’t do much either. All I can do is continue to love you and show you how much you mean to me over the next 10 years of marriage. I plan on doing that.

Happy anniversary my sweetheart. Never forget what you mean to me. Thank you for reciprocating our love. Love is a choice not a feeling and you chose to love me.

Your dearest husband and your best friend,
D.

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#hugapony my friends