3 Year anniversary

3 years ago I decided on a journey to help others fight anxiety and depression with plushies and ponies. This was a journey of self discovery and meant really just to channel my feelings and emotions. There was such a draw and almost demand for more that overtook and surprised me. It was a welcome joy to have a platform to help others.

Over the last 3 years, I have gotten to meet a few of you in person. It is always an amazing experience to see how you have personally effected someone’s life in a positive way. In all honesty, it is what keeps me going some days. I have my bad days and there is always someone who brightens my day. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

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Looking ahead, I hope to be more active in have panels and have more of an online presence. I have a few articles with The Might.com in the works and a writing project that I have shared with a very select few of you that I hope to bring to light one day.

If I have effected you in some way over the last 3 years with my blog, Please post a comment somewhere here or on social media. I promise to respond.

Once again thank you all!

#hugapony my friends.

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Finding time.

Time is a thief. It steals away the good moments, the ones we want to last forever, away from us in the blink of an eye. It then injects itself in those embarrassing moments, making them stretch for an eternity. Time is a trickster. It makes games out of our lives.

I am not a fan of time.

We use phrases like “Stealing a moment”, “Finding some time” or my favorite “My time is too valuable.” Time is a commodity. It is something people seek out. It can be traded, borrowed, sold, and spent. It is one of our primary resources as human beings.

Our time on earth is limited. We do not know the limits, the start and stopping points of our lives. We carry on each day with this precious resource called time. We sell our time for money with jobs. We spend a third of our lives using it to sleep and recharge our batteries at night time. So much of our time goes into everything.

Except, I believe, ourselves.

I have heard many say they need some time to themselves, but how many of us actually do that? How many of us have actually looked in the mirror and thought about yourself and your own existence? How many of us spend time in our own brains? What kind a person is behind our eyes?

Do you like that person?

Do you even know that person?

Have you even thought about your own thoughts?

Take a moment and spend some time to meet the most important person in the world.

You.

Have you spent time thinking about you? No, not the person you think you are to others. Not the person influenced by those around you. Not the person from work that everyone loves/hates.

Have you ever thought about you, and how you think?

Have you taken the time to get to know you?

I hope you like that person. Its the only one you get.

#hugapony my friends

Back in the Saddle again.

I have taken today by the horns and started writing. Again. I have taken a sabbatical from it to refresh my mind and handle life events. I return today feeling ready to start again.

Writing has a way of clearing my mind and making a way for new thoughts and ideas. I have mulled over a paper/book thing for a while now and I have hopes of continuing on in this pursuit.

Scared? You bet I am.

It is always hard to put yourself out there in front of people and share what you think. In today’s society, this is more true than ever. The current political and social environment make it quite difficult to express an idea or view.

This makes me quite sad.

How many writers, painters, and scientists are being squashed beneath the overbearing weight of the public eye? How many of these are being judged in the open court of public opinion?

Sharing yourself is a scary business.

I will continue on in this endeavor. I will try and share my ideas and thoughts to the world, God willing.

I hope you will join me.

#hugapony My friends.

Happy Holidays

Winter has come and brought its dark skies and cold nights to us. In this time of joyous celebration and hot cocoa, Let us all take some time to pay attention to those around us who may need some help. From single mothers and divorced dads, to those who illness is worsened by the cold, to the quite children who don’t get swept up in all the bright festivities. Someone will be in your life that will need a little encouragement.

It amazes me that so many people can go through life and not realize what or who is around us. I watch as people ignore anything that does not pertain to them. Working retail makes this abundantly evident as people respond to your greetings with abrupt dismissal. We become so focused on what are doing, who do we need presents  for, how am I going to make all the parties that we tend to not see those of us who need help around us. In this spirit of giving and merry making, we miss those who are not able to enjoy the holidays.

I encourage all of us to go forth and find someone to help this holiday. It could be the single mother with 3 kids who just needs a night off. It could be the recently divorced dad who isn’t going to be able to spend time with his kids for the first time. It could be the person with the illness who cant make it to that party they always used to enjoy. Chances are I have described someone you know. You are thinking of them right now.

Act on that.

Stop doing things.

Start on being this holiday.

#hugapony

PS I have not had much time to write and for that I apologize. I have my next few posts planned to carry me into the new year. Thank you all who read this blog. As a reward, a small comic i found that speaks to me in so many ways.

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After the Black.

Another Black Friday has come and gone. I was fortunate not to have to work this one. I was able to spend time with my family and enjoy time off. I saw several other friends online who were able to be off for the first time, for some, in 25 years. It was heartening to see people having a good holiday.

For every person that had the day off, I saw two more who had to work. As it stands, I saw a reasonably good day on Friday and it seemed that people mostly behaved themselves. While tired, overworked employees abound, everyone survived. 

I look at this last month of the year with hesitation. I see many hard days coming soon and different problems to face. I look over this past year and the difficulties me and mine have handled. I look at my year in review post for new year’s and I see so much that had happened. I honestly can’t remember a year that has flown by this quickly. 

I have an up and coming doctors appointment at which I have to confront my doctor about my medical condition. I am at the point at which my depression is under control for the most part. My anxiety is managed when I have an attack. However, I see my muscle and nerve pain has increased and my body fatigue and insomnia are through the roof and I know more is going on with me. I need more than just pills. I need some answers. 

I need to be diagnosed. Correctly.

I look at family. I want to do so much more for them and I feel I am being held back by so many things. My body can’t keep up. Job opportunities are not there, much less my current job. I just want to be there more for my family. 

I look at my blog. This diary of good times and bad. I see the people I have helped and the trials that I faced. I look at the joy I have spread and the sorrow I helped people through. I see it all and know in my heart that I could do more. 

I can always do more. 

I can always do more to make the world a better place. 

I just don’t have the energy to keep going sometimes. I feel trapped in this shell of a body. The pain and exhaustion overwhelms me. All I can think of is to press on. 

I do it for my family

I do it for you. 

I do it for me.

H

#hugapony my friends

Anime North Texas 2016

I have just come back from working yet another convention. I am tired. This one I worked guest relations. I hung out with so many great people. They inspired me to do more with my blog and even encouraged me to do more to help others. A few even made it to my disabilities panel. Here are the amazing people I had the pleasure of working with.

Caleb Hyles is a Youtube star with singing power that leaves me in awe. I had the oppurtunity to sit down with him and his wife and share life stories and other craziness. If you haven’t checked him out, do so at: https://www.youtube.com/user/CalebsCovers/featured

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Gareth West is an up and coming anime super star! He is an extremely talented voice actor who has an amazing passion for his fans. Hanging out with Gareth was so much fun this weekend and made me so happy. Check out his Facebook here: https://www.facebook.com/gareth.west.90

Cherami Leigh is a complete sweetheart. She has a resume that baffles the mind as to how much work she has done. As always, she brought her mom out to the show with her. Cherami is one that the fans love and adore. More on her bellow.  http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0473873/

Double feature with Kristen McGuire and Chuck Huber.

Kristen is a crazy awesome person who cannot stop drawing on people’s plushies. Her voice work and her art is a one, two combo to make you want to love her more. I am still waiting on her Cat Girl #2 comic. Her info is http://kriscomics.com/

Chuck works so hard to be there for his fans. Even when he is not supposed to be somewhere, he will pop out of nowhere and surprise everyone. A long time, hard working actor who puts in time with his fans was a crowd favorite. http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0399321/

Aaron Roberts. My pony brother from another mother. I need to buy him more pony stuff. He was one of the first to arrive and one of the last to leave. His panels were packed with good information and audience pleasing fun. Check him out at http://www.behindthevoiceactors.com/Aaron-Roberts/

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Greg Ayres is another one of those hard working folks that has a huge laundry list of projects with his name in them. From working on anime to fighting bootleg items in the dealer rooms, it is amazing that he has even more to give with crazy nighttime club DJ hits. His list of amazing feats are here: http://www.behindthevoiceactors.com/greg-ayres/

So that was my weekend. It was long hours and hard work but it all paid off to be with such amazing people. I wanted to shout out to my staff who helped me, Star, Foxx, and AJ along with Sarah who kept guests happy in the green room. I am going to go sleep now for a week.

#hugaplushie my friends (just keep them away from Kristen)

Positive Power Thinking

It has been hard to stay positive in the past few weeks. With the hate going on for the election from almost everyone, to the pain of life and body with me personally, to the fears of issues with my car and apartment, it has all been trying to distract me. Being focused on the positive has been exceptionally difficult.

But I have been here before.

I know this walls and darkness.

I can do better now.

One of the positives of coming off one of medications is my brain fog has lifted greatly. This has given me the ability to focus and think much more clearly for the first time in almost 2 years. I am not saying I haven’t been myself in that time, more of, I can do so with much less effort. I have always considered myself intelligent, and have been told so by others much more intelligent than I, and I feel like that part has been robbed from me in this time. Now it has taken quite a bit more to do my pain management as it takes a lot out of me to focus on not letting it effect my life. It is nice switch from focusing on my mind and thoughts to focusing on my body.

Looking ahead I have felt with the upcoming holidays, the presidential election and the results, and some more conventions, I am looking into spreading that positive thinking and prayer onto other people. In these times of holidays and the winter months, depression and loneliness can come over everyone. I am looking into a project that I have wanted to do for awhile.

It is no small task however.

I am wanting to go through my friends list on my personal social media sites, the email list of this blog, and all other outreaches I can and write at least one letter telling that personal that they are special and loved and that I am thinking and praying for them. I want to spread more love and joy to others.

And this is on top of my life, work, and writing on my blog.

However, I think the results would be more than worth it.

I am so thankful for what I have been given in my life. Yes, I write about my hard times and troubles here on my blog, but this is a great place to vent and to show others they are not alone in hardships or so that they know what someone living with invisible disabilities goes through. I have tried to show the opposite side of the coin and show the life and joy that can be had in spite of these trials. I have tried to bring something positive into this world.

I am trying my best to have an impact on this world, at least those in my reach, and be the most wonderful person I can be.

I ask you all, dear readers, that if you want to be part of my and joy making, I would ask you join the email list on my blog, follow my twitter or you can leave a message on this post or any others. I will see and respond. I will keep all information confidential, unless you say I can share it with others.

Lets bring back love for each other. Lets spread some joy.

#hugapony everyone.

Begin again.

I’ve been scared to write for the past while. It’s not something that I have had to deal with in the past. I’ve always found words to be able to explain myself or to vent my feelings or even to help other people out. I find myself more and more afraid of sharing in the most recent weeks.

I went to the doctor here recently and was prescribed more medication. It has been a rough time adjusting to that and my other meds. I am finding it much harder to focus and to write and be creative. It has gotten bad enough that I haven’t posted in over a week which is something that I haven’t done since starting my blog over two years ago. Words don’t flow the way they used to and even the simplest tasks seem harder now days. I’ve even been contemplating not continuing my blog and ending it where it stands now.
I have decided against doing so.
I know my blog has been an inspiration to quite a few people. I have received more than one note or letter from people telling me how much they appreciate me writing and helping them through difficult times. I feel somewhat responsible for helping continue to help people out through tough times in their lives. That is not something I can throw away very lightly.
And so I asked my dear friends, please bare with me over the next coming weeks as I am continuing to adjust to this new life on more meds. I have recently started a overnight stocking job for a large retail company as well to keep things mixed up. I also had some other interesting life news happen that I cannot share at this time. Some of that news was good and some of it was bad. Rest assure I will continue to do my best to help encourage others, and continue documenting my journey through depression and anxiety and other invisible disabilities.
I thank you all who read this. Know that I love each and everyone of you and I look forward to bringing you more words of wisdom and encouragement.

#hugapony my friends.