As my world turns.

It has been more than an interesting couple of weeks here in my life. Seems the world is turning a closer eye upon me and is creating some interesting drama (both good and bad). I have started working overnights for a big box retailer as you know if you have read the blog so far and my body has slowly been fighting me more and more. Sleep does not come easily and when it finally takes over I end up in bed for 16 straight hours and miss out on my family and friends.

Depression, it seems, has returned to mess with me.

One of the more pressing issues in my life is the fact I am having to cut out my main medication for pain/depression. The side effects have been rough and growing and I was informed of the possible of seizures. Considering I have been taking this medication 3 times a day for 2.5 years makes me a bit concerned. I am slowly cutting back on the doses until I am able to get off of it fully but my body is already rebelling against me. Pain, it seems, has returned and brought friends.

I am just coming off of Nightmare Nights in Dallas, a personal favorite convention of mine. I have been involved in helping train some of the security staff there and the head of security, whom I work for at this convention, showed how much he has grown. I stood back and observed more than I had in many years working a convention and I couldn’t have been prouder of what he has accomplished. He and his team worked their tales off (pun intended) and handled things in such a professional manner. My security Lead thank me for the time and training I had put into him but he more than earned what he did. I know people who have worked for years and not had the poise to handle the stress nor the calming attitude it takes. Pride is not an emotion that comes often to me but in this case I was beaming with it.

I am also beaming with pride at my wonderful daughters. They have been so joyous in the upcoming baby and looking at new things to get when the baby arrives. We have had quite a few times of lost tempers and late nights with them, but they have been open and receptive. They have brought much joy to me and my wife.

My wife has been progressing at her new job and making leaps and bounds in advancing her career. She has jumped in with two feet and is making a difference. She is pushing forward with new training and helping and working all while growing a person inside of her. She is my life and my joy and I cannot imagine life without her.

As I continue on in life, I have decided to expand upon an idea that I have held in my mind for quite a while. I have always had the belief in taking time to personally thank people, send a message of encouragement, or just to be there for them. I have had a few opportunities pop up for these events to occur and I have tried to pounce upon them when they do. One of my faiths biggest commandments is to love one another and I hold fast to that. Loving people.

Simple concept, difficult to execute.

I hope to make a difference in peoples lives and to show them that they matter. Everyone needs love, including myself, and I can only hope for opportunity to bring it to them.

#hugapony my friends.

Updating life, please stand by.

I have been busy. I have been stressed out. I look at Bilbo Baggins talking about butter being scraped over too much bread with deep set envy. I long for days of “normal”.

I have hit a very rough patch. My meds are fickle at best at the moment. I have been sick for 2 weeks because my anxiety has shut down my immune system. My stress keeps me up nights. I stay up till 3 or 4 in the morning but still manage to wake up at 9 am or earlier because stress and heartburn from my stress wake me up. I stumble out to pills and coffee and spend the next 2 hours trying to find energy or the will power to do anything but just sit.

But it is in very short supply.

People don’t understand that anxiety makes you focus on everything and you can’t stop. You are hyper sensitive to you, those around you, outside events that you have no control over. You can’t push them to the back of your mind. You can’t “just act better”. “Just go make a difference in your life” is not an available option.

Depression then feeds on you as you slide down the hole which anxiety beats you down into.

I am beat up. I will keep fighting. I hope to feel better soon. I hope life returns to normal.

Resetting life is fun.

#hugapony my friends.

Something smells Fishy

For Christmas my daughters got a fish tank. It had the plants, filter, food, whole nine yards. Normally I would be against more pets as pets means death (a natural part of life, which happens and is a great life lesson).

Now I understand that this is a pretty shallow reason for not wanting more pets but think about it with me for a second. I am one man with three other women in the house.

That is a lot of estrogen and emotions to handle.

And so, we went to the pets store (after a week of prep time, filling the tank, water checks all that). Now it comes down to it.

Which fish? What colour? How many?

After the 45 minute discussion of why can’t buy all of the fish and the conversation about how “Daddy, that fish is eating the other dead fish!” goes on, we walk out with a few beginner fish and happy little hearts. The fish are now resting in the new home and will now be tormented by fingers tapping and wide eyed gazes from two curious little people.

Hope this entertains them for a bit.

Hug a pony my friends.

PS No animals were harmed in the writing of this post. The writer however is pulling out his hair over one of the fish who isn’t swimming around enough for little girls.

Daddy issues.

I hate most media and news sites. This is strong coming from a guy who professes love and tolerance (A Brony motto, and it falls in line with my Christian faith). This story makes me so upset, I start shaking. I have held on to this story for a few weeks so I could calm down to write it.

Let me start with a link.

https://www.yahoo.com/parenting/fathers-controversial-photo-shows-him-just-being-104350839152.html

Read it? I hope so cause this is my soapbox and here I go.

WHY IS THIS AN ISSUE!?!?!?

This breaks my heart. As a father of 2 daughters, I find myself in the same scenarios as this good sir.  The hate that has been generated is beyond useless and completely unwarranted. People who are criticizing this father need to reevaluate what they are saying. This man is not ignoring his kids. He is not beating them, neglecting them or doing anything harmful. He is not binge watching Game of thrones, Honey Boo-boo, or Sex in the City in front of them. He is spending time with his kids, letting them paint his nails (I loved some of the comments made about “his homosexuality”), and not shooing them out of the room.

This is a father who is spending his time doing something he loves with his daughters doing something they love.

Why is it that because it is a video game he is playing he is such a terrible father but if it was watching a football game its ok?

I cannot stand bigotry and that is what this is pure and simple.

Leave some comments or share with your peers. Hug a pony my friends.