A Vacation, Part 2

Vacations are fun for a multitude of reasons. Being away from home, feeling special in public, and not having too many responsibilities. For someone with a chronic illness it has an unexpected side effect.

A vacation from yourself.

When you are at home surrounded by people who know you, there is a certain expectation. Those close to you know what you are going through and help out in the areas you are lacking. The flip side of this is they know how you used to be. They remember how you were able to do so many things. This can make things awkward when you are faced with an activity that used to be so simple but now is a task and a chore.

When in a new setting and with new people, there comes an easier understanding. You explain your condition and there is a moment of understanding (for the most part). You are able to be yourself a bit more than usual. You don’t have to hide behind the mask you put up when in pain.

Two main things came out of my vacation in this regard. First, you are able to truly look at yourself and see your condition in a new light. You get to be honest with yourself, in being honest with those around you. You get to see the amount of pain you are truly experiencing instead of trying to mask cover, or make excuses to yourself and those around you. This can be a harsh reality to face.

The second thing I realized was the effect of my condition of those close to me. I know I can get wrapped up in the misery of my condition and not see the reaction of those around me. Those around you are suffering from the loss of an able friend. A spouse who now has to pick up the slack. The brother who is not the superman he once was.

It is very easy to forget that our condition effects more then just yourself and your body. It touched the lives of all those who know you. The suffering reaches beyond your own body. The ones closest to you suffer with you. It is true we have to fight the guilt that is sometimes associated with not being able to do activities with love ones. I feel we tend to forget that those same loved ones are suffering as well.

Take a moment, all you chronic illness warriors, and reach out to those close to you and thank them. Tell them you love them and appreciate all the ways they help you. Remember, a vacation from yourself is not a vacation from those who love you.

#hugapony everyone.

 

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Support day.

This year has turned into quite a roller-coaster for quite a few people, myself included. I , I feel as if we have had nine months of news stories in the span of only 60 days. I know I have had to look for the positive stories more than anything to remain hopeful. I have also worked hard to bring the fight for others like me who are suffering in the opioid crisis. During this time I have been dealing with a long run of fibromyalgia flare ups.

I am hurting, tired, and worn out.

This is a unique time of year. The darker, colder months of the year for the US and this leads to more depression. The break from holidays and the excitement of the new year has worn off for most people. It becomes harder to stay focused and to be able to focus on the positives.

It also happens to be my birthday time.

My birthday is in the beginning of March (actual date redacted). Birthdays were always an old day for me. I have been very blessed with a wife who goes and plans a wonderful day for me. She is quite a amazing at it. I quite grateful for all that she does. There can be one thing that holds me back.

My condition.

I have to take time every month and access my pain levels, what I can and cannot do physically, and more. It is difficult to look over the past month or two and see where I have declined, what I have done better, and general self care. In doing so, I have found myself in a rougher spot this time of year than most birthdays.

It is difficult to be in a happy time and be brought down by your illness. You struggle and fight to be happy and appreciative. Inside, you are trying your hardest, and want to shout out that it is all amazing. What can escape your lips is far less than what you want to say.

But still I fight. I know many who fight with me. I know many who fight for us.

I want to give a shout out to those who fight to be happy in the bad times. I am proud of you and I believe the world is a better place with you still in it. I want to give a huge shout out to those who help take care of us. You all go above and beyond with trying to show us how much we are loved and do amazing things. You make life worth living for so many of us. You are amazing and strong.

As always, a big shout out to all those who read and support me. I am humbled and honored that you choose to read what I write. You guys rock and make me feel like a rock star.

I ask all of you to give some love and gratitude to those who support you. Sometimes the best way to help yourself out of a hole is to help others. Showing love and compassion will return it back to you.

Thank you and I love you all.

#hugapony everyone.

The Month of Love

January was a rough month for me and mine. Between rounds of passing both versions of the flu around the house since December and trying to recover from the holiday break, I am exhausted. We are now in the second month of the year and romantic minds turn to love (along with most retail businesses who have had hearts up since New Years).

Last year I wrote every day for a full month on the importance of self care. I gave many examples of actions to take to show that YOU are special. To show someone very special they are important to you. Yourself. Learn to love and take care of yourself. I am sharing a link to the whole month for everyone. How many of these did you do? I would love to hear from anyone about how these worked for you.

The Self-care month.

Whenever I talk about how special people are and how much they are loved, I always remember Mr. Rogers. One of my very few heroes I look up too. This kind and gentle man showed everyone they were special.  He told the viewer every time on his show that they were special just the way they were. He told them he loved them. He had a genuine care for other humans. The impact of his life was felt by so many, myself included.

Looking around in the world today, we need more people to see the love and share the love. We need to tell more people we love them. We need more people to be told they are special.

I will gladly start.

If you are reading this, I want you to know that I love you. You are in this world and are a part of my life. This may be a one-sided conversation at the moment, but I want you to know that you are special to me. By being here, reading this, you have brought joy to my life. If we have known each other all my life, or we have never met, know that I think you are special, just the way you are.

Love yourself, and know I love you too, and now you have two people on your side. Go out and share that love. Show everyone the world is a better place with you in it.

Hug a plushie my friends.

Self care day 14:Crown Jewels

It is always a pleasure bring you more day to day posts. I will continue to do so until the end of February. Please make sure to comment, share and follow along as I share some simple things to better your life!

Being Valentines Day, I want to bring some life and joy to everyone. It is a day where people pronounce their love for one another and some to many people at once. I love seeing the movement where friends all go out in groups, professing the love they have for each other. I want to focus in on one person in particular today. Can you guess who it is?

You.

Part of self care is loving yourself. While that can be taken in many ways, how much do we love ourselves? You can think of many things such as your body, weight, job, happiness, joy, pain, and a host of other issues that can make up how much you love yourself. But is that you loving you?

I now ask to think of your favorite person in the world. Spouse, lover, friend, family, the person you love the most. Think of all the amazing things you do or want to do for them. Think of the dates you plan or have planned, the little presents you bought them, or the trips you have shared. I am sure there are many amazing things we can all recount.

If you are supposed to love yourself, have you done any of those things for you?

Makes even myself take a step back and look.

So, this Valentines Day, find an item of jewelry, clothing, something small you can wear or touch each and every day. Buy it (it doesn’t have to be the most expensive thing possible). Buy it for you. Wear it. When people ask, say that you bought it for someone you love.

You bought it for you.

Show yourself some love. We all need it.

#hugapony my friends.

Positive Power Thinking

It has been hard to stay positive in the past few weeks. With the hate going on for the election from almost everyone, to the pain of life and body with me personally, to the fears of issues with my car and apartment, it has all been trying to distract me. Being focused on the positive has been exceptionally difficult.

But I have been here before.

I know this walls and darkness.

I can do better now.

One of the positives of coming off one of medications is my brain fog has lifted greatly. This has given me the ability to focus and think much more clearly for the first time in almost 2 years. I am not saying I haven’t been myself in that time, more of, I can do so with much less effort. I have always considered myself intelligent, and have been told so by others much more intelligent than I, and I feel like that part has been robbed from me in this time. Now it has taken quite a bit more to do my pain management as it takes a lot out of me to focus on not letting it effect my life. It is nice switch from focusing on my mind and thoughts to focusing on my body.

Looking ahead I have felt with the upcoming holidays, the presidential election and the results, and some more conventions, I am looking into spreading that positive thinking and prayer onto other people. In these times of holidays and the winter months, depression and loneliness can come over everyone. I am looking into a project that I have wanted to do for awhile.

It is no small task however.

I am wanting to go through my friends list on my personal social media sites, the email list of this blog, and all other outreaches I can and write at least one letter telling that personal that they are special and loved and that I am thinking and praying for them. I want to spread more love and joy to others.

And this is on top of my life, work, and writing on my blog.

However, I think the results would be more than worth it.

I am so thankful for what I have been given in my life. Yes, I write about my hard times and troubles here on my blog, but this is a great place to vent and to show others they are not alone in hardships or so that they know what someone living with invisible disabilities goes through. I have tried to show the opposite side of the coin and show the life and joy that can be had in spite of these trials. I have tried to bring something positive into this world.

I am trying my best to have an impact on this world, at least those in my reach, and be the most wonderful person I can be.

I ask you all, dear readers, that if you want to be part of my and joy making, I would ask you join the email list on my blog, follow my twitter or you can leave a message on this post or any others. I will see and respond. I will keep all information confidential, unless you say I can share it with others.

Lets bring back love for each other. Lets spread some joy.

#hugapony everyone.

Love Letter

We all need love. As humans, it is something we all want. I want everyone on this blog to know that I love you. You read this blog and by doing so you show me love. I am called by my God to love everyone. I do my best and try to help those I love. I feel my purpose is to share love in this world. I feel my purpose is to help others. I have a wife whom I love dearly. I have two amazing daughters that I love.

And I have all of you as well.

 

If you ever feel like no one loves you, bookmark this page. Read it again. Watch an amazing video. Leave a comment (once or a thousand times), I will respond each time. Someone loves you always. I believe that by sharing love, we might be able to stop some of the hate.

I love you all.

#hugapony my friends.

Quicky. Busy season.

I have been in the busy season for conventions. August is very busy month for me. I have worked 5 events in 6 weeks, including several panels for my Invisible disability panel. 

While this has been enjoyable helping and working, I have not had the time to sit down and write as much as I should. I apologize and I hope to be back in the swing of things soon.

Know that I love you all and that you are all wonderful people. I want you to remember that you (yes, you) are wonderfully made and are special to me.

#hugapony

The woman of my life.

This is a very special post. This is dedicated to the only person in my life to whom I have put my whole faith, love, and devotion. It has been 10 years since our “I Do”.

She has stood by me through prosperity and poverty. Through sickness, death, and more. She is my rock, my safety, my great love. She has loved me when I found ponies. She BOUGHT me my first plushie.

She was one of the few girls at my college that caught my eye. She stood out special even then. She has an old world grace with a fiery spirit that tells it how it is. She has brought into this world 2 beautiful, talented, and super intelligent daughters. She has taught me to stand when I needed to stand.

That isn’t enough time in the world to say how much I love her or what she had done for me these last 10 years. Story after story she is the heroine and Savior. She has depths of compassion that no one can fathom.

A while ago I wrote her a love letter here. It never came close to showing her how much she means to me. I know this won’t do much either. All I can do is continue to love you and show you how much you mean to me over the next 10 years of marriage. I plan on doing that.

Happy anniversary my sweetheart. Never forget what you mean to me. Thank you for reciprocating our love. Love is a choice not a feeling and you chose to love me.

Your dearest husband and your best friend,
D.

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#hugapony my friends

Dear love of my life.

My darling wife is an amazing person. She is strong, beautiful, smart, and keeps me fascinated every day. I have never been more thankful in my life to have met her.

When I was young, I was a weird kid. Go figure right? I was six when I started praying for my wife (who ever she was) and that God would bless her, keep her safe, and to one day let her know I was here on earth. I prayed that prayer almost every night until I was 14 and continued to pray that prayer at least once a week after that. I was raised to be a gentleman and to love everyone, so I took these lessons to heart and was the nicest person I could be so that one day, I could be the best person for her I could be.

It wasn’t until college that I met her. I saw her a couple of times around campus and we even had a few mutual friends. I knew from the first time I saw her she was special. There was an air about her that just was different and exciting. Through many upturns and downturns, we managed to grow closer together and finally became best friends.

And best friends tell each other everything.

It was then that she first saw the dark depression that was in me, eating away at my existence. She saw my social anxiety first hand. It was then that she started standing up for me to someone that had never been stood up to like that before.

Myself.

She fought my depression for me. She was able to see the two sides in me that waged war and she poked and prodded until she could find that part of me and squash it. It was a very painful process as it is hard having someone be that truthful to you. It looks and feels like being attacked by your best friend. And it is just that. They are attacking you.

That foul part of you that you can’t distinguish from yourself.

She has stayed with me many years now and has fought beside me through many of my battles. She keep watch over me when nightmares invaded my sleep of a time I had blocked out. She held my hands to keep me from hurting myself. She encouraged me to see a doctor to get more help.

She even bought me my first big stuffed pony for my birthday (Fluttershy of course).

I am coming up on our 10th year anniversary this year. I could never ask for a better friend. I could not ask for a better wife. I could not ask for a better warrior. She is my life.

I love my dear.

I would rather hug you every day.

#hugapony

The day after yesterday.

Puns I know. It is the day after Christmas and my heart aches for my former friends in retail. I am praying for you all as it is a tough day.

Today I am going to try and spread love.

There are many reasons why I am doing this:

It is called upon by my faith. My God has told me to love my neighbor as myself. I will go out of my way to love people. I feel chosen to do this. Even the unlovable ones.

I do it as a brony. Our motto is Love and Tolerate. We love everyone. The haters, the “neigh” sayers (see what I did there, more puns!), the uninformed. We seek out to love each other and all others. We love everyone as a group.

Lastly, I spread love because I need it and I believe the world needs it. I need to know there is love in this world. If I am the only person spreading, then so be it. I can only hope and dream of inspiring people to love more. It can be an act of saying excuse me. It can be letting someone go through a stop sign first. It can be just asking a cashier how there day is doing and thanking them.

Love.

It’s powerful thing.

Hug and love a plushie my friends.

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