The Perfect Perfectionist

Perfectionism is a curse. It gives us this inherent drive to be “practically perfect in every way” because anything else is failure. Why are we given this drive to be perfect? Why are we striving to be the best and never have anything wrong? As Someone with anxiety I can tell you it is worse than you realize.

With anxiety, perfectionism is a way of life. You are a complete control freak who has to know where each thing is placed. You have to know how a person is going to react and brace yourself for when that reaction is false (to you). When that unexpected bill comes or an accident happens, you world cracks so that you are unable to recover. You have to be perfect.

This perfectionism is a binding that makes it almost impossible to enjoy life. You wait for those brief, beautiful perfect moments that shine like diamonds, and accept that finally everything is in its place. However, these moments are far and few in-between and they almost immediately overshadowed by the fact that life is not perfect, things are not OK 100% of the time and you are still living in the real world. Forcing yourself to accept this is a monumental task.

Anxiety makes you question everything. You look around and think about every single reaction of people and things because you have to keep this world, your world, in check so it doesn’t overwhelm you. You fight day in and day out trying to maintain control. You cannot win and eventually, you will fail. Once this thought of failure sets in, you now enter a depressive state. You are now overcome with the thoughts of not being good enough, smart enough, clever enough for this world. You never realize that it is all a part of life.

When you have anxiety, and it is part of your life, you have a handicap that doesn’t seem like a handicap. You are to your job “attentive”, “detail oriented”, and a “great multitasker”. To your friends and loved ones you are “always thoughtful”, “caring about others”, “helpful” and “remember the little things”. However, to ourselves we are just a small step away from breaking down due to the plates we have spinning, and if we miss one and it crashes, the rest seem all the more likely to fall.

Anxiety is the fuel source for perfectionism. And like all fuel, eventually it will run out. Anxiety burnout happens to any with anxiety. Remember to forgive yourself, be patient with others, and look for the signs of being a perfectionist that could be effecting you and those around you.

As always, #hugaplushie my friends