A-kon panel #2

My second A-kon panel was not an easy one. I was part of a group that spoke on invisible diseases and disabilities. I was asked several months before, if I wanted to be a part of it. I jumped at the opportunity to speak. Unusual for a introvert like me. I, however, know that I have a way with words and thoughts and feelings. I know I can help people.

That I have, indeed, helped people.

We all gathered in a panel room, all unsure of what to expect. The room was almost filled. We sat down and our head panelist called everyone’s attention.

And we talked.

We, as the panelists, gave our stories. We gave our backgrounds and our illnesses. We gave our experiences. As our stories were told, I ended up passing some of the ponies I carry on me (my talisman against the evils of depression and anxiety) up and down the panel line to help every get through their stories. We gave a piece of ourselves to the crowd.

And they responded.

I do not believe there was a dry eye in the room. I saw some people get up and leave, only to come back with tissues.

Some cried for us. I had a close friend who said they could only see us as people she couldn’t help and wept. She had me in tears when I talked to her afterward. This kind and loving soul said she just wanted to give us all a big hug and make everything better.

Some cried with us. Some in the audience stood up to thank us. They were amazed that we had the courage to speak. They said they didn’t feel alone any more. We all were in a room that was a safe place, and the audience opened up.

It was awe inspiring.

After the panel the crowd came up to talk to each of us. Some wanted to know more of what we do to work through our illnesses. Others to reach out with encouragement. One will forever stick in my mind.

I have a wonderful young lady come up to me and thank me for speaking. She told me she had been fighting her own anxiety that day and had almost left several times, but she wanted to attend our panel. She said she was so glad she did. I thanked her for coming and started talking about what she had been through. She started to cry as I could see her beating herself up for having the anxiety but she didn’t know what else to do. She had nothing to help her.

She didn’t have a talisman against the dark.

I pulled out my mini Fluttershy and handed it to her. She took it as she wiped away tears. As she started to calm down, I asked her if she had heard of stuffed therapy. She said she had during my presentation but didn’t know much more than that. I told her that the plushie she held was the first step in helping. I showed her how much she had calmed down just by holding it and petting it. I showed her a weapon to fight with.

And I gave her my talisman.

The room stopped. Many there knew my symbol of stuffed therapy. Some knew it was my first plushie in this adventure. They knew it was my mini Fluttershy, and how special it was to me. Tears started to flow from my friends who were still in shock.

This wonderful person who clutched at the plushie started crying and hugged me tight. She thanked me over and over. She took a step back and looked at Fluttershy again. As she looked, I explained that that was my first plushie. I told her that I had it when I first went to the doctor. She look on in shock as I explained how much love and help that mini had given me. Shock then spread to the rest of the room as everyone saw me tell her that I wanted this dear girl, who was suffering, that I wanted her to take care of Fluttershy.

She broke down crying and hugged me again even tighter.

I said a quiet goodbye to one of my dearest friend who brought me so much strength and love. I passed her on to the next person to take care of her. I strengthen someone else to help them through life. I started to cry myself.

Everyone started to cry.

I am tearing up thinking about it now. I wonder how she is doing? I wonder how her mini Fluttershy is doing? I wonder if I helped enough?

I believe I did.

Goodbye once more, my dear friend. May you bring happiness and peace and love and joy to another as you did me. You were there for countless panic attacks. You were with me at my first doctors visit. You were there in the hospital when I was sick. You were there in the lowest times of my life. May you do well and do the same for her.

#hugapony my friends.

Faith

This is an old post that hadn’t made it out due to internet issues. I have a backlog of post since moving into a new [place and getting internet (yay!) I hope y’all enjoy the read!

 

Faith is something I don’t bring up much. Not because I find myself not wanting to offend someone. For me, it is more personal. My faith is my faith. It is something I treasure and draw upon.

Today I was reminded of how much I am loved by my God.

I was given all the cash by my wife that we had in hopes of getting my van past inspection. My van is very old and the only vehicle we have. It is very difficult to pass inspection due to several issues. We had the check engine light off and so I took the chance to go get it inspected. I cross my fingers that it would pass. While checking the van, the tech noticed that the back tire was very low but not enough to fail me. The tech was looking at me oddly as he knew the van had more than a few miles on it and wasn’t not expecting it to pass.

Surprise surprise.

It passed.

I was joyous as the tech was beyond thorough. I then called my wife joyous and went to fill up the tire on the way to get the van reregistered.

Disaster.

I had a nail in the tire.

I drove quickly to a tire shop and payed to have it plugged in the hopes it would hold.

It held.

Another miracle for me as that never happens.

I drove to the local office to renew the registration but was informed that because it was expired so long I had to go to the government office.

Joy.

I went home to grab one last paper for registration when I counted my money left from everything.

77 dollars.

Please be enough.

I went to the government office and started the paperwork. Texas has a few new rules with everything and was charging more than last year. I held my breath as she gave me the total.

77 dollars.

Even.

I couldn’t believe it. I not only passed inspection, a flat, and still had the money to register. By the exact amount.

God is good.

I had a counseling session with my pastor and he pointed out one big take a way for me.

Happiness is were you are happy but waiting for when times go bad. Waiting for the other shoe to drop. Joy is looking for the good things in every situation. I should be looking for joy, not happiness. It struck a chord with me.

I find joy in my ponies.

I find joy in my blog.

Hug a ponies my Friends. I needed a win.

A-kon panels!!!

I will be at not just one but 2 (!) A-kon panels this year. I invite anyone coming out to see me at either one!!

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Two men walk into a bar presents:
Middle of nowhere!
https://www.facebook.com/events/1735882090025164/

This is a panel with my friends Nick and Ronin (with guests) and we talk everything from My Little Pony to video games and everything in-between. We have combined years of social media experience and helpful tips from running blogs to promoting music and more!!

Then my second panel.

Check out Non-Visible, Otaku with non-visible disabilities at A-Kon 27.

“Making friends in the con community can be hard, but doing so with non-visible disabilities is harder. Being nerdy can be hard when you don’t fit in in your own community.

Come to this panel to learn ways and tips to help make friends, not seem too overbearing, help in anxiety and panic attacks, and anger management tips.”

I AM SO EXCITED!!

I hope to see anyone out there. If are able to make it, stop by and see me!! I would love to say hi and share a moment.

See you at A-Kon 27!!

For more info http://www.a-kon.com

The day after yesterday.

Puns I know. It is the day after Christmas and my heart aches for my former friends in retail. I am praying for you all as it is a tough day.

Today I am going to try and spread love.

There are many reasons why I am doing this:

It is called upon by my faith. My God has told me to love my neighbor as myself. I will go out of my way to love people. I feel chosen to do this. Even the unlovable ones.

I do it as a brony. Our motto is Love and Tolerate. We love everyone. The haters, the “neigh” sayers (see what I did there, more puns!), the uninformed. We seek out to love each other and all others. We love everyone as a group.

Lastly, I spread love because I need it and I believe the world needs it. I need to know there is love in this world. If I am the only person spreading, then so be it. I can only hope and dream of inspiring people to love more. It can be an act of saying excuse me. It can be letting someone go through a stop sign first. It can be just asking a cashier how there day is doing and thanking them.

Love.

It’s powerful thing.

Hug and love a plushie my friends.

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Finale of MLP

It has been an amazing season for My Little Pony. It has been a roller coaster of a emotion. I recap.

Seeing the Apple and the Pie families come together for the first time in full. The whole thing of two families coming together and the differences of celebrations of holidays and family traditions was informative. It was very inspiring to see.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders, who we have been watching for 5 years, got their cutie marks. They all got to share in an experience that they will share for the rest of their lives. I am not going to lie, I cried. It was something I was waiting for the whole show. seeing their tales (or tails BAH the puns!)  come to fruition. I was so Happy.

The 100th episode was AMAZING! The writers took all the fans ideas and thoughts and made them canon in the show. The hit all the high points, confirmed all the characters relationships, and even poured out the Dr Who references with a fire-hose.

The 2nd to last episode, “The Mane Attraction”, was a personal favorite. The music of this episode was bar none. Danny Ingram is fantastic writer of music and I love his work in all the other episodes but this one with Amy Rogers (being her last episode with MLP) was a new high. Amy was leaving to go work for Disney (which also show’s the caliber of the show and its people) and she wanted to leave on a high note.

And wow she did.

Seeing the Finale was, as always, the high point of the season. I will not try and spoil anything but the different takes of the universe was amazing, both for the show and the fandom. Seeing the creators follow up on the 100th episode fan pleasing was fantastic. We all celebrated in the recurrence of all characters coming back in a new role.

It has been an amazing season and I cannot wait for next year (and to re-watch them on Netflix). I love a show that is so lovable. My fandom is fantastic and there are many like it but this one is mine. My daughters and I have this connection for a lifetime.

What show gets your life going?

Hug a pony my friends.

Oh day of days.

Crying. I am crying.

I can’t stop.

It is all my fault I feel.

I could have done something different. I could have been better. I should have been better.

I had a doctor’s appointment today to refill my medication because I literally ran out today. My last dose was this morning. My doctors appointment was scheduled and when I got to the office I was held up for paperwork in the main lobby. I was told I did not have to do any paperwork because I don’t have insurance it would be self pay. While waiting to get my paperwork the receptionist were talking and chatting so much that when another person came by they told them that they needed to finish up my paperwork so I could get to my doctors appointment. Because they took so long getting my paperwork to go see the doctor which I was not supposed to be doing anyway I ended up being 15 minutes late to my doctors appointment at which time I was informed that I was too late for my appointment and told to reschedule for next week.

I was in full panic mode.

Ask and then begged explaining that I had run out of my medication and that I needed to see the doctor and I was met with just a plain no from the nurse. I ended up barely talking to the receptionist asking if I could reschedule for later today or at least get a refill for the weekend until my appointment could be set.

I have to tell you that I was in shock the entire time. My body was numb and I just couldn’t believe that it would happen that way. My hands were trembling as I walked downstairs to the lobby and sat down to call my wife.

I had forgotten that I had to pay for parking and I left the only bank card with money on it at the moment at the house. Because I did not see the doctor I did not get my slip to cover for my parking and I did not have any money on me to pay for parking. Frantically I looked through all my pockets and found $0.71 in change I went and checked the parking charge and it was a dollar.

Defeat yet again.

I talk to my wife who was understandably furious at the situation and I tried to remain calm but I’m still in shock.

Somehow I just feel this is my fault I feel that I should have left earlier or done something different or ran to the appointment or hurried up the receptionist or anything. I know part of my problem is self-blame and in this situation I know while there’s only so much I can do I still feel it was my fault.

I am now sitting in my car across the street because of a very, very nice lady at the ticket counter let me go through without paying for parking. Small simple acts of kindness I think are going to save me as they do so many people.

Unfortunately while I’m trying to be very grateful for that wonderful act my body is still in full panic because I don’t know how I’m going to make it through this weekend and next week without my medication. Detox is not fun as a recorded here before and I’m not looking forward to doing that again. I am praying that my doctor cruise a small prescription so that I don’t run out again so I sit here and wait pleading, begging, praying for another miracle.

I’m hugging my pony very very tight right now.

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I now ask for all my dear readers for your prayers and strength. I hate asking for things it’s a pride issue something that I need to get over but I just don’t know how I’m going to be able to make it through without a miracle.

I hope all of you are having a better day than I am.

Hug your ponies for me my friends.

Those radio tunes.

I have been holding back a secret that I have been a part of for a few years now. Back in 2011, I was part of a online radio show called “The Bullshooting Show”. It was an online radio show that was designed to talk about just about everything. We had people call in about different topics and of course we had politics and video games and movies. All in all Myself and the cast that we had a great time. We reached over 11,000 listens and even had the owner of the program we used (Blog talk radio) email saying how much he liked our show.

Unfortunately, money and time grew thin and we had to end the show. People moved and life moved on.

But now, we are back. Under the banner of 1up Definitive studios (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UChxK2xe28ZfO_jxR6FfJ43g) , we now are bringing back our radio show through Youtube (and hopefully Blog talk again).

I have been offered my own show (My stuffed little therapy) and am considering doing a weekly show. This is an exciting time. I cannot wait to see were I go from here. Give us a look!