I have been struggling with my mind as of recently. With all the negatives that I have faced these past few years, between illnesses and personal and mental issues, I have had a difficult time knowing how to respond. I find myself at some time during each day just wondering what I did to deserve this.
It is quite easy to say that I am just being bitter or focusing on the negative. Dwelling on the negative thoughts make they grow, this has been proven. I see trouble however when you have a mental illness that causes these negative thoughts and wrecks your emotional state. Fighting tooth and nail each day to remain positive or to be better is exhausting. When you add in me fighting my physical illness and a lot of judgement from other people who can’t see my sickness and you make for one depressing day.
In the midst of this hole that we end up in, it is no wonder we have the thoughts of “How have I messed up to end up here?” What mistakes are the ones that lead me to this day. How can I change? How can I be better? Why am I not better?
Why have I failed?
I am reminded of the attached quote from Star Trek. We see a hard truth. It is possible to make no mistakes and still lose. This is not fair and it hurts. This however is life. Finding ourselves caught in a hopeless situation happens. We can be, at times but not all the time, perfect in what we do. We can still lose. It can still turn out wrong for us. I see us in these situations and it is in these moments that we are defined as a person. Are we emboldened and push forward? Do we collapse and weep at how we were wronged? It shows us who we are to the world.
I am still here. I am still fighting. I still stand. I hope you agree as well.
#hugaplushie my friends.
A HUGE shoutout to two of my Patreons for helping support me, Charles and Ed! Thank you for supporting me and making this possible! You two are truly amazing people! If you had not checked it out, Check out my Patreon page for early blog posts and more! Patreon-My Stuffed Little Therapy
I had a recent social media post that was quite touching. I has been a rough time with pain lately and I was needing a boost. I posted a simple question.
This sparked a wonderfully long post with friends and family commenting from all over. I was flooded with memories from childhood, college, present day, all warm fuzzy feelings.
It was fantastic.
As some who has suffered from depression in the past and who continues to struggle with anxiety even now, it was an amazing feeling. The self worth went through the roof. Seeing people post, some I had not talked to in years, was amazing. The love and care that was shared was immeasurable. This got me thinking of what this could do for people who are struggling? I know I pull up the post and have read it a few times since. Seeing the kind, wonderful words brings back the same self-worth growth and warms me inside.
I have seen a lot of suicides in the news lately. A lot of people who are depressed and decide that ending the pain and personal suffering is the best choice. Having been at that end twice now, I know what runs through someones mind. You don’t look upon yourself as a person. You are a burden. You don’t see what other actually think about you. You see a drag on all your friends and family. Your brain tells you that you are not and will not be good enough for anyone.
We need to break that cycle of self doubt.
I challenge you to post this to your social media. Make the post and see what happens. Save the answers you get. Use it as another weapon to fight back the hard times. See what others took the time out of their day to say to you. Smile in the memories shared but not only you but others. Have a written document were people see the value in you. Have yet another tool, like stuffed therapy, to fight back. Even if it is against your own mind.
I will do my best to comment my memory as well.
I have just received two more of my “My Little Pony” Build a Bear stuffed ponies. They will be added to an ever growing collection. The two new ponies are from the MLP movie. When I get them stuffed and ready, I will share a picture of this collection.
I have gotten more than a few strange looks these last 7 years over my love of the “My Little Pony” show. I have gotten even more strange looks from being in the furry fandom for over 20 years. I have weathered them all with an understanding of being different. I have never felt the need to change. Why should I change what I like and enjoy because you are uncomfortable with what I like and enjoy. I don’t shove my fandoms in people’s faces so you are free to ignore me. I would rather you ask questions and try and understand.
I would have to say I have been an ambassador to those fandoms for a long time. Quite a few people have come to me with questions or to seek my opinion on my fandoms. I have never backed down from answering honest questions. I feel privileged that people trust me enough to ask about them. It gives me great joy seeing others who knew nothing about these fandoms show interest. If not interest, at least the understanding of why i, and others, enjoy them.
Stuffed therapy is also in that vein of being weird. I have been a proud advocate for this self therapy that I have seen help others. I have work panels, sat privately with people, even started a blog on trying to help people. Having something big or small, round or thin, fuzzy and soft near you when you need it. That little totem that grounds you.
Your stuffed little therapy.
And mine as well.
Find things that make you happy. Share that happiness with others. Improve yourself and then help others improve themselves. Share your love and passions.
#hugapony my friends.
I have an announcement! I will be having a Stuffed Therapy panel at Nightmare Nights next month! This is a My Little Pony convention in North Dallas, Tx on Oct 27-29th. My panel is set for 12 pm on Sat the 28th. I am very excited to be bringing my panel to even more people. I love being able to talk about the benefits of stuffed therapy and how it can help you. Being able to help people with their anxiety and depression is always enjoyable.
I hope to see some of you there!
#hugapony my friends!
Being this blog is dedicated to exploring Stuffed Therapy and finding ways to help people, it is fitting to set aside the last post before recap day to my favorite tool.
The warm, soft stuffed bear, animal, alien or even a pet rock or worry stone can help you through those tough times. I cannot tell you how much my plush has helped me through tough times. Having a small plush on you through out the day can help put your mind at ease.
A totem to help you in the rough times.
I have a friend who attended one of my panels, who heard me speak on the subject. He immediately went out in the convention we were at and got himself a small plush. He was so excited that he got it, I was one of the first people he came and saw. I heard about him talking about it to all his friends. They came up to me and commented on how he was doing better because he had his plush.
I found out that he still has it on his desk even now several months later. It brings a smile to my face to see some good brought back into this world.
Even if it is in a small plush.
Knowing you have something at home that can bring some peace to you. Having the worry stone in your pocket to rub when times are stressful. Seeing the small plush Rainbow Dash on your purse. All of these things can bring you some peace of mind.
All of this self care, wrapped up in a soft, fluffy plush.
Or rock, if the case may be.
#hugaplushie my friends.
It is always a pleasure bring you more day to day posts. I will continue to do so until the end of February. Please make sure to comment, share and follow along as I share some simple things to better your life!
I am just now being able to update my blog and I thank all of you for being patient with me in my time away from the computer. I am still in the process of moving and I am hoping and praying it is this weekend. I am quite excited. I am looking forward to having a place to my own with my family and being able to be settled.
I had a wonderful time at my first panel at A-kon 27. It was Middle of Nowhere, Smashed and Thanksgiving (Featuring Two men walk into a Bar). I was joined by my good friends Nick (from Knightengale Music Advising) and Ronin (From The Gigalounge) with special guest voice actor Kyle Herbert (From DragonBall Z and a lot more!).
^Ronin and Kyle
And what a time we had!
We always have wonderful giveaways and prizes at our panel. This year we had a “beer” pong table for the attendees to fight over great things and had some awesome matches. I was given Surge (thanks Nick) which I had not had in 10 years or more. We also gave away this year’s poster to those attending.
We had a dynamic conversation with great chats about the state of video game consoles to the introduction of VR into mainstream. Kyle got to try VR for the very first time!!
After the panel while we gave out the posters, the strangest thing happened. We had several people come up and ask us to sign the posters.
Not gonna lie, I felt almost famous. I had never been asked to autograph something. I was flabbergasted at first and had the thought of “they don’t want mine”. Then a gentleman came up and said “Sign this please”. I told him the artist was next to me and he corrected me, asking me to sign on my character. I stumbled around and found a sharpie and then 4 more people lined up!
All told it was some of the most fun I had ever had at a panel. I want to thank everyone there for coming and I look forward to more with my crew.
I will have my second (and much more serious panel) written in a few days, as I move again.
#hugapony my friends
I started writing when I was about 8 years old. It all started with a poem about tree frogs. It was not the greatest or most earth shattering poem but it was mine and I was proud of it. Poetry is not my main form of writing (though I have been known to crank out a time Limerick or two).
So I found a poem that I wrote a few years ago that came across my Facebook feed. It is again not the greatest buy it is mine and I thought I would share.
Hide hide, eyes behind the lids of ever night
Drifting in the sea of peace, away from any fright
Sleep sleep so tenderly, away from all my tears
Sleep sleep so sweetly here, beyond man’s petty fears
Away away to peaceful land, of joy evermore
Tis joy just to stay right here, resting to my core
Hide hide from the night, in blankets warm and snug
Away away from the day, in this hole i have dug
Safe safe from troubles here, beyond the devil’s reach
Rest Rest for you and me, protected from any breach
Mellow Mellow my soul so dear against life’s horrid quake
Stay stay against the chance, that you might ever wake
No no you slowly slip, from this gentle grace
Goodbye goodbye you fall away, to the world now you face