I have been struggling with my mind as of recently. With all the negatives that I have faced these past few years, between illnesses and personal and mental issues, I have had a difficult time knowing how to respond. I find myself at some time during each day just wondering what I did to deserve this.
It is quite easy to say that I am just being bitter or focusing on the negative. Dwelling on the negative thoughts make they grow, this has been proven. I see trouble however when you have a mental illness that causes these negative thoughts and wrecks your emotional state. Fighting tooth and nail each day to remain positive or to be better is exhausting. When you add in me fighting my physical illness and a lot of judgement from other people who can’t see my sickness and you make for one depressing day.
In the midst of this hole that we end up in, it is no wonder we have the thoughts of “How have I messed up to end up here?” What mistakes are the ones that lead me to this day. How can I change? How can I be better? Why am I not better?
Why have I failed?
I am reminded of the attached quote from Star Trek. We see a hard truth. It is possible to make no mistakes and still lose. This is not fair and it hurts. This however is life. Finding ourselves caught in a hopeless situation happens. We can be, at times but not all the time, perfect in what we do. We can still lose. It can still turn out wrong for us. I see us in these situations and it is in these moments that we are defined as a person. Are we emboldened and push forward? Do we collapse and weep at how we were wronged? It shows us who we are to the world.
I am still here. I am still fighting. I still stand. I hope you agree as well.
#hugaplushie my friends.
I wrote a blog earlier this month on writing letters to people you love. Sending letters out to your friends and family, possibly even getting one back. I left out a very important person in the list of people to write.
I have been personally fascinated at seeing people change over the years. People watching is a favorite past time of my family. We used to go to a place called Downtown Disney in Orlando, FL and sit at one of the outdoor restaurants and just watch people. Seeing tourists, locals, adults, children, all walking around, living life. Sometimes we would seeing the same person twice and notice a change. We would make up stories of what happened.
I never thought about myself changing all that much or my story.
I stumbled on an old journal I wrote in many years ago (almost 20 now) in this most recent move. I came across an entry that made me stop and think. It was to my future self, asking how I was doing, did I have any advice from the future (INVEST IN A COMPANY CALLED GOOGLE OR YAHOO!!), and if I had accomplished any goals that I had. It was a humbling and brutally honest experience. It made me think more on the day to day activities I do and how much I should appreciate what I have.
I challenge you to write to yourself. No, it does not have to be 20 years from now but how about 6 months. A year. Write a letter. Talk about yourself. No one knows you better than you. Open it in a year. Its still near Valentine’s day, write a love letter to yourself. Talk about how awesome something in your life is doing. Say something you love. Will it still be there in a year? Have you accomplished your goals?
Have you taken care of yourself?
#hugapony my friends.
It is always a pleasure bring you more day to day posts. I will continue to do so until the end of February. Please make sure to comment, share and follow along as I share some simple things to better your life!