Roadie crew

November 26, 2015 / Codefreak / Leave a comment

I am on the road with family. Being thanksgiving and all is making it difficult to post.

My panel went very well and I am looking forward to telling you guys all about it soon. I just wish there was more time in the day to be able to the even do half the things that I want to do.

It is been a very tiring two weeks as I’ve had back to back conventions. I’ve been through a lot and seen a lot and it is been some bad and some good.

For now I want to wish everyone a happy turkey day and I want to say to everyone thank you for being a part of my life.

Hug a pony my friends.

Panel day!!

November 22, 2015November 22, 2015 / Codefreak / Leave a comment

It’s finally panel day!!!!!

My first solo panel, Surviving Fantastic Fandoms, will be starting in a few hours.

And I am so excited.
I don’t know what to expect.

I am going to try and let myself relax but I am so nervous. I have had a few personal things go on in the past 2 days that I cannot bring up that are really bothering me. I am going to try and push on through.

As a thousand things race through my head, I am drawing on the strength of you, my friends, and all my ponies. It has been an incredible journey to get from a place of depression to a panel in front of people talking about things I love.

I look forward to meeting some of you there.

If you are reading this after the panel, welcome. You happen to pick a blog post that is a big milestone in my life. Join me and help others as well.

Thank you all.

I love you all.

Hug a pony my friends.

Panelling

November 18, 2015November 18, 2015 / Codefreak / Leave a comment

I am counting down to my panel. I will be speaking on the joys and downfalls of fandoms. I will be drawing from my 10 years of convention experience and all the fandoms I have been a part of in the past.

I consider myself a leading consultant in being teased in the fandoms I have been a part of. I have been through the years of being teased. In the 90’s it was Star Wars and the in depth detail I remembered. I started to wear a rubber dog nose to make people smile (my early adventures into being a furry) Lord of the Rings and the Shannara series followed those wonderful books. In the 2000’s I started in more fantasy series and started back into some animes I got into. 2010 started the full-time Furry and the My Little Pony.

Through all these times I was ridiculed and laughed at. I persevered through all the people who rode my back with the names that carried through the ages. I still bare the verbal scars.

I do hope to help others find things they love. I hope to share my hardships and to encourage those who might be feeling low.

In all this, I have to overcome my own fears and depression. I am nervous beyond all measure. I hope this will help resolve my own questions about my abilities.

Wish me luck.

Hug some ponies for me my friends.

PS I have added a donation button added to my home screen. It is set for 5 dollars. I hope that if anyone feels the need to help, I will use the money to promote this page more (and even go for a Pro account with a .com).

On the road again.

November 13, 2015 / Codefreak / Leave a comment

I am on my way to work another convention. I have a few updates to give before jetting off the weekend.

First, we gave one of our cars to a friend in need. We just got a newer car from my wife’s aunt passing away. We had a friend who needed a car to get to work. I had hoped to bless someone with it and we did.

Second, my wife had an accident in the new car. By the grace of God she is OK. The car is not so much. We are back down to one car. I am just beyond thankful she is safe.

Last, I am just being thankful for being alive. It has been a very rough week or two. Most thoughts have been very dark. I am thankful for friends who have helped me through this. I thankful for bright coloured ponies who make me smile. I am thankful for all the brony friends I have. I am most grateful and thankful for my family.

Hugging ponies on the road my friends.

Oh day of days continuum.

November 7, 2015November 7, 2015 / Codefreak / 1 Comment

I guess I should have waited to post yesterday. Life it seems was not done with me that day.

After getting home from the doctors, I was able to eat, calm down, and talk to my wife. She and I talked about how we were going to get through the weekend.

After we both had calmed down, she took the kids to the park and I sat down to rest. I was destressing and remembered that I had a rescheduled doctor’s appointment. I also had to let them know my availability for this next month as I have a few Conventions and thanksgiving coming up as per my agreement when I was hired.

I called them up and speak my boss and gave him the rundown of what was going on (he had been concerned earlier that week). I told him that I need Monday off for my appointment and the select other days off. He said ok, he understood my situation but that due to my lack of availability due to my kidney stones and the rest of my Conventions, he was going to have to fire me.

I was stunned.

I asked what had changed as we had agreed to my schedule being flexible and I was told they changed their plans and were needing a full time position and that with my needs they couldn’t keep me.

I stuttered and was confused and I asked if I could maybe work make up days to help cover or something. He refused and he thanked me for my work and that he would have liked to keep me but with all the stuff going on with me, he couldn’t keep me.

I thanked him for his time, he wished me the best and hung up.

I stood for a second, and then fell to my knees.

I didn’t know, I still don’t know what to do.

Ponies might not be enough…..

I am trying my friends. I just don’t know anymore.

Oh day of days.

November 6, 2015 / Codefreak / 6 Comments

Crying. I am crying.

I can’t stop.

It is all my fault I feel.

I could have done something different. I could have been better. I should have been better.

I had a doctor’s appointment today to refill my medication because I literally ran out today. My last dose was this morning. My doctors appointment was scheduled and when I got to the office I was held up for paperwork in the main lobby. I was told I did not have to do any paperwork because I don’t have insurance it would be self pay. While waiting to get my paperwork the receptionist were talking and chatting so much that when another person came by they told them that they needed to finish up my paperwork so I could get to my doctors appointment. Because they took so long getting my paperwork to go see the doctor which I was not supposed to be doing anyway I ended up being 15 minutes late to my doctors appointment at which time I was informed that I was too late for my appointment and told to reschedule for next week.

I was in full panic mode.

Ask and then begged explaining that I had run out of my medication and that I needed to see the doctor and I was met with just a plain no from the nurse. I ended up barely talking to the receptionist asking if I could reschedule for later today or at least get a refill for the weekend until my appointment could be set.

I have to tell you that I was in shock the entire time. My body was numb and I just couldn’t believe that it would happen that way. My hands were trembling as I walked downstairs to the lobby and sat down to call my wife.

I had forgotten that I had to pay for parking and I left the only bank card with money on it at the moment at the house. Because I did not see the doctor I did not get my slip to cover for my parking and I did not have any money on me to pay for parking. Frantically I looked through all my pockets and found $0.71 in change I went and checked the parking charge and it was a dollar.

Defeat yet again.

I talk to my wife who was understandably furious at the situation and I tried to remain calm but I’m still in shock.

Somehow I just feel this is my fault I feel that I should have left earlier or done something different or ran to the appointment or hurried up the receptionist or anything. I know part of my problem is self-blame and in this situation I know while there’s only so much I can do I still feel it was my fault.

I am now sitting in my car across the street because of a very, very nice lady at the ticket counter let me go through without paying for parking. Small simple acts of kindness I think are going to save me as they do so many people.

Unfortunately while I’m trying to be very grateful for that wonderful act my body is still in full panic because I don’t know how I’m going to make it through this weekend and next week without my medication. Detox is not fun as a recorded here before and I’m not looking forward to doing that again. I am praying that my doctor cruise a small prescription so that I don’t run out again so I sit here and wait pleading, begging, praying for another miracle.

I’m hugging my pony very very tight right now.

I now ask for all my dear readers for your prayers and strength. I hate asking for things it’s a pride issue something that I need to get over but I just don’t know how I’m going to be able to make it through without a miracle.

I hope all of you are having a better day than I am.

Hug your ponies for me my friends.

Rolling stones.

November 3, 2015 / Codefreak / Leave a comment

I had a fun weekend. I managed to pass another kidney stone (that’s 2 so far for those keeping score). I was able to pass it without the extreme pain (fortunately). Still the discomfort was there and I did not the energy to do anything else but sleep.

Its been disappointing because I really had things to do. Places to go. People to see. Instead I was stuck sleeping 12 straight hours. While it sounds great, I woke up even more tired the next day.

I was not a happy camper.

My co-workers have been sympathetic to my pain. They have increased their water intake by 3-fold. While I am glad to promote such a healthy life style for them, I don’t believe the cost of pain was worth it.

Still, work is going well. I have been acclimating myself to office work (new to me). It is a whole different style of work. The fact that I can go to the bathroom whenever I need to has been a major plus. I hope it helps with this rocky problem I have been having.

Hug a pony my friends.

Those radio tunes.

October 28, 2015 / Codefreak / Leave a comment

I have been holding back a secret that I have been a part of for a few years now. Back in 2011, I was part of a online radio show called “The Bullshooting Show”. It was an online radio show that was designed to talk about just about everything. We had people call in about different topics and of course we had politics and video games and movies. All in all Myself and the cast that we had a great time. We reached over 11,000 listens and even had the owner of the program we used (Blog talk radio) email saying how much he liked our show.

Unfortunately, money and time grew thin and we had to end the show. People moved and life moved on.

But now, we are back. Under the banner of 1up Definitive studios (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UChxK2xe28ZfO_jxR6FfJ43g) , we now are bringing back our radio show through Youtube (and hopefully Blog talk again).

I have been offered my own show (My stuffed little therapy) and am considering doing a weekly show. This is an exciting time. I cannot wait to see were I go from here. Give us a look!