Coasting through coasters.

Day 2 teaser of my next post “Stealing Joy”. We went to Six Flags Over Texas, a theme park, with some friends who had a bring a friend free deal. Celebrating with friends.






Finding joy.

I know I m an odd duck. I tend to run against the grain. I like a show about ponies, I dress like a furry, I make friends of all races and backgrounds. I enjoy helping people to the point of giving away anything I have if they need it. I will put myself in the line of suffering if it means lessening that of others. I will hurt myself to help someone else. I am not that eloquent a speaker (except with enough preparedness, at least that is what I am told). I feel my writing is good. I like to hold my plushie when I am sad. So why am I saying all this?

I am trying to ground myself.

I am trying to give myself a place at which I can write, from so I can clear some junk out of my soul.

Cause people are upset with me.

I have several people upset with me. I spoke my heart and they got upset. They took what I said and sharpened the points and threw the words back like a spear.

It always hurts when it comes from someone who is close to you. All of mine came from close people.

It is the new year and I have been asked how long I am going to keep up my “charades”? I must be doing this for the shock factor. My life cannot be like this. Why am I so childish? Why don’t I grow up?

Oh to be in London now the ” haters” are here.

Is it true that you don’t “make it” unless you have hate mail?

I will admit, I have not been a strong person in this area. I am not one that can easily roll things off my back. Part of me caring so much is I get to personally involved. It is easy to get to me.

I happen to think it is one of the reasons I am so lovable, but that’s just me.

I have been under attack for what I like and believe in. I understand that people wont understand everything about me. If people did, then I am just a yes man.

I am just here to say, I am determined to find Joy this year. I was told that happiness is in the moment and that, with my personality, I tend to look toward the time when happiness ends. Joy is something you have to look for and find. It last longer and keeps you going. It is a driving force instead of being in moment. It is ALL the moments because you look for it in each moment.

Now I know that my Joy comes from my faith. I have never been pushy about it, but it is something that I celebrate when it comes time. I give thanks to my God for my Joy.

And I find Joy in my ponies, plushies, and nice furry ears and tail.

Hug a pony my friends.

Break in the clouds.

I know I have been posting on rough times and hardships. I can be rather depressing (comes with being depressed I suppose). I do want to share some good news and a joyous moment that I am still being moved by.

Our apartment is safe.

We talked to a lawyer and we were informed that we could not be forced to move or thrown out. In fact, if we had taken the offer of moving out early, we would have been liable for fines and penalties. We got the documentation we needed and spoke to our office. We managed to hold our composure and not yell and scream back at the trouble they have caused. It is just a relief to feel safe again.

We also managed to have a quick family time in which everyone got along. Over the past week, my daughters and I have been connecting and have been sharing in their lives. One of the things I used to be able to do was go on “Daddy dates”. These mini outings included going to park with and just one of them, getting an ice cream cone or bubble tea (if you don’t know what bubble tea is you are missing out). ┬áThese have been taken from me due to life and work.

And it has been hard.

So I found us a new activity. We have been watching the new Agents of Shield. My girls, like their father, have turned into a comic book fan and we have been wrapped up in the movies and the show. Seeing the wonder and awe in their eyes at the stories being told fills me with joy.

I get to share that.

I get to help them discover their joy.

We have had a few rough times as the show and the Marvel movies twist and turn. We gasp at the betrayals and cry at the sadness. In all of this, one thing shines through for me.

I get to be there with them.

I get to connect with them.

And this brings me much joy.

I will be hugging my ponies with my daughters tonight.

Thank you God.