Finding joy.

I know I m an odd duck. I tend to run against the grain. I like a show about ponies, I dress like a furry, I make friends of all races and backgrounds. I enjoy helping people to the point of giving away anything I have if they need it. I will put myself in the line of suffering if it means lessening that of others. I will hurt myself to help someone else. I am not that eloquent a speaker (except with enough preparedness, at least that is what I am told). I feel my writing is good. I like to hold my plushie when I am sad. So why am I saying all this?

I am trying to ground myself.

I am trying to give myself a place at which I can write, from so I can clear some junk out of my soul.

Cause people are upset with me.

I have several people upset with me. I spoke my heart and they got upset. They took what I said and sharpened the points and threw the words back like a spear.

It always hurts when it comes from someone who is close to you. All of mine came from close people.

It is the new year and I have been asked how long I am going to keep up my “charades”? I must be doing this for the shock factor. My life cannot be like this. Why am I so childish? Why don’t I grow up?

Oh to be in London now the ” haters” are here.

Is it true that you don’t “make it” unless you have hate mail?

I will admit, I have not been a strong person in this area. I am not one that can easily roll things off my back. Part of me caring so much is I get to personally involved. It is easy to get to me.

I happen to think it is one of the reasons I am so lovable, but that’s just me.

I have been under attack for what I like and believe in. I understand that people wont understand everything about me. If people did, then I am just a yes man.

I am just here to say, I am determined to find Joy this year. I was told that happiness is in the moment and that, with my personality, I tend to look toward the time when happiness ends. Joy is something you have to look for and find. It last longer and keeps you going. It is a driving force instead of being in moment. It is ALL the moments because you look for it in each moment.

Now I know that my Joy comes from my faith. I have never been pushy about it, but it is something that I celebrate when it comes time. I give thanks to my God for my Joy.

And I find Joy in my ponies, plushies, and nice furry ears and tail.

Hug a pony my friends.

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