1UP Definitive Studios Podcast/YouTube Extravaganza

Yes that is a mouthful. I just wanted to come on here and remind you wonderful folks that tonight I will, once again, be on the air with some fellow mates and be doing our weekly radio show. If you haven’t seen any of the shows yet, pop on over to the following link to check them out!

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UChxK2xe28ZfO_jxR6FfJ43g

Or at our WordPress:

http://1upds.com/

Come check me out live (or in chat) and bring your pony/plush to hug!! Flutterbat will be there!!

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Slice of peace.

This has been a very bad week for me. I have been trying very hard to post more positive things on my blog to make myself think more positive but life likes to throw us some curve balls.

This week was supposed to be a week of rest from the 3 weeks of madness of back to back conventions and then the long trek to see family (over 24 hours in a car total). I was hoping for a relaxing time to ease my soul and spirit.

This was not the case.

I got hit with the depression that likes to attack when I take a moment of peace. I feel it knows the game plan of my life and likes to find those moments and just pounce. It dregs up the worse moments and throws them in the heart. It blind me from seeing anything positive and cripples the body. I hate when it comes calling.

I had a rough few weeks. While the time I had doing what I love and seeing family, I was also faced with a lot of sorrow. I had quite a few events happen that just rubbed raw or broke me from people I know.

It hurts the most when it comes from people around you.

Now keep in mind (as I have a lot of friends and family who read this) this is not made to accuse or anger anyone. This is me just opening my soul and pouring words to a page to get them out. Words become trapped in my mind like a cage and if I don’t free them they eat away at me like water wearing down a rock. I am not asking or looking for a response, I just need to get it out.

I have had people tear me down. People have lied to me and about me. Some to my face. I have given myself freely to helping those around me, both my time, effort and even my own belongings. I have put myself to be hurt the most.

And it happened.

Over and over.

I have People who wont talk to me. I have have People now who just talk over me. I have have had People lie and steal from me. I have had People throw me under the bus and back it over me. I have been put in more stressful situations than I care to count.

Over and over.

And it didn’t stop.

It felt like dominoes falling trying to break me. Just one right after another. It broke me and then kept piling on. I had bills come in from all sides. Hospitals are very expensive at times and I owe a lot of money. I have been hit with my wife getting a car accident (she is OK, thank God) and losing one of my vehicles. My other van is being held together with wire and duct tape at times and can’t pass inspection.

But it is all I have.

I have pushed down to the point of being squished to feel so tiny that this world would be better off without me.

Yes, even those thoughts came like a crashing wave.

If I could be treated so badly, why get up out of bed? Depression seeps your strength. Your body feels like it is caring more and more weight. For me, I stop eating. All I think about is going to bed.

It is not just trying to get rest. That is just part of it. It is just trying to get a break. Sleep is just a slice of peace. It is an escape. It is a time when you can finally have a moment, between when you are awake and you dream, when you can not have everything beat you down. You may hate the day and have nightmares torment your night, but in the middle of all that you have a moment, just one brief moment of just one small break from everything.

You treasure that. You look forward to that. It is the one thing that keeps you going through some days. “Just let me make it to my moment of peace before I sleep”

I lived that for the last few weeks. It has been hard. Even with my plushies to help me through, medications still coming, and a loving wife and kids, I still lived for that one slice of peace.

Freedom from everything.

And sometimes that is what you have to do to make it through the days.

Hug a pony for me and you, my friends. May yours bring you a slice of peace.

 

PS I wanted to add that I am doing better now. I know some of you, very sweetly, check up on me. I am doing better. Thank you all. 

Finale of MLP

It has been an amazing season for My Little Pony. It has been a roller coaster of a emotion. I recap.

Seeing the Apple and the Pie families come together for the first time in full. The whole thing of two families coming together and the differences of celebrations of holidays and family traditions was informative. It was very inspiring to see.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders, who we have been watching for 5 years, got their cutie marks. They all got to share in an experience that they will share for the rest of their lives. I am not going to lie, I cried. It was something I was waiting for the whole show. seeing their tales (or tails BAH the puns!)  come to fruition. I was so Happy.

The 100th episode was AMAZING! The writers took all the fans ideas and thoughts and made them canon in the show. The hit all the high points, confirmed all the characters relationships, and even poured out the Dr Who references with a fire-hose.

The 2nd to last episode, “The Mane Attraction”, was a personal favorite. The music of this episode was bar none. Danny Ingram is fantastic writer of music and I love his work in all the other episodes but this one with Amy Rogers (being her last episode with MLP) was a new high. Amy was leaving to go work for Disney (which also show’s the caliber of the show and its people) and she wanted to leave on a high note.

And wow she did.

Seeing the Finale was, as always, the high point of the season. I will not try and spoil anything but the different takes of the universe was amazing, both for the show and the fandom. Seeing the creators follow up on the 100th episode fan pleasing was fantastic. We all celebrated in the recurrence of all characters coming back in a new role.

It has been an amazing season and I cannot wait for next year (and to re-watch them on Netflix). I love a show that is so lovable. My fandom is fantastic and there are many like it but this one is mine. My daughters and I have this connection for a lifetime.

What show gets your life going?

Hug a pony my friends.

Roadie crew

I am on the road with family. Being thanksgiving and all is making it difficult to post.

My panel went very well and I am looking forward to telling you guys all about it soon. I just wish there was more time in the day to be able to the even do half the things that I want to do.

It is been a very tiring two weeks as I’ve had back to back conventions. I’ve been through a lot and seen a lot and it is been some bad and some good.

For now I want to wish everyone a happy turkey day and I want to say to everyone thank you for being a part of my life.

Hug a pony my friends.

Panel day!!

It’s finally panel day!!!!!

My first solo panel, Surviving Fantastic Fandoms, will be starting in a few hours.

And I am so excited.
I don’t know what to expect.

I am going to try and let myself relax but I am so nervous. I have had a few personal things go on in the past 2 days that I cannot bring up that are really bothering me. I am going to try and push on through.

As a thousand things race through my head, I am drawing on the strength of you, my friends, and all my ponies. It has been an incredible journey to get from a place of depression to a panel in front of people talking about things I love.

I look forward to meeting some of you there.

If you are reading this after the panel, welcome. You happen to pick a blog post that is a big milestone in my life. Join me and help others as well.

Thank you all.

I love you all.

Hug a pony my friends.

Rolling stones.

I had a fun weekend. I managed to pass another kidney stone (that’s 2 so far for those keeping score). I was able to pass it without the extreme pain (fortunately). Still the discomfort was there and I did not the energy to do anything else but sleep.

Its been disappointing because I really had things to do. Places to go. People to see. Instead I was stuck sleeping 12 straight hours. While it sounds great, I woke up even more tired the next day.

I was not a happy camper.

My co-workers have been sympathetic to my pain. They have increased their water intake by 3-fold. While I am glad to promote such a healthy life style for them, I don’t believe the cost of pain was worth it.

Still, work is going well. I have been acclimating myself to office work (new to me). It is a whole different style of work. The fact that I can go to the bathroom whenever I need to has been a major plus. I hope it helps with this rocky problem I have been having.

Hug a pony my friends.

Those radio tunes.

I have been holding back a secret that I have been a part of for a few years now. Back in 2011, I was part of a online radio show called “The Bullshooting Show”. It was an online radio show that was designed to talk about just about everything. We had people call in about different topics and of course we had politics and video games and movies. All in all Myself and the cast that we had a great time. We reached over 11,000 listens and even had the owner of the program we used (Blog talk radio) email saying how much he liked our show.

Unfortunately, money and time grew thin and we had to end the show. People moved and life moved on.

But now, we are back. Under the banner of 1up Definitive studios (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UChxK2xe28ZfO_jxR6FfJ43g) , we now are bringing back our radio show through Youtube (and hopefully Blog talk again).

I have been offered my own show (My stuffed little therapy) and am considering doing a weekly show. This is an exciting time. I cannot wait to see were I go from here. Give us a look!