Tired

Quicky. Busy season.

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I have been in the busy season for conventions. August is very busy month for me. I have worked 5 events in 6 weeks, including several panels for my Invisible disability panel. 

While this has been enjoyable helping and working, I have not had the time to sit down and write as much as I should. I apologize and I hope to be back in the swing of things soon.

Know that I love you all and that you are all wonderful people. I want you to remember that you (yes, you) are wonderfully made and are special to me.

#hugapony

Time is not on your side.

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This month as been one of the busiest of my life. I have never tried to cram so much into a month before and I don’t think I ever want to try it again.

I moved from my friends house the first week.

I had the convention A-kon in the second week.

I moved to my new place the third week. So much unpacking.

My wife is gone on a trip with our church’s youth group this last week.

Busy busy busy.

Sometimes that is what you have to do to keep moving.

Time is a terrible thing when you are fighting depression and anxiety. Time that is unfilled is then injected with your mind going crazy and irrational. Anxiety takes those moments and fills them with every possibility of what is going on, everything you should be doing better, and who is talking about you and your failures.

Depression then takes that moment, as you fight the thousand thoughts of anxiety, and hits you in the back. It reinforces your anxiety with the thoughts of you really ARE a failure. It is the rebar of your prison of concrete. It helps make your cell that much stronger.

Anxiety is about everything going on around you.

Depression is what your mind thinks of yourself.

Together they form a one-two punch that knocks you out.

So what do you do?

You keep moving.

You fill the time up in your day so that you never have a moments rest. You keep running away. If you can fill the gaps, the breaks of your day, it doesn’t give your mind the ability to pounce. You have one main thought. Don’t think, just keep swimming.

It is why we are so tired.

We can’t stop running or we have to fight. Or we stopped and let the guard down. We are fighting so much, we can’t focus on anything else until we drop from exhaustion. We have all our muscles tense from waiting for anxiety to drop the other shoe, or the depression to drag us down with chains, or for us to pass out in bed.

I can’t stop running. I can’t stop doing. I can’t stop. I must stay busy.

And so I fill my month with an unbelievable amount of things to do. God help me if I miss one or mess up on one. I just have one thought.

Don’t think, just keep swimming.

#hugapony my friends

Roadie crew

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I am on the road with family. Being thanksgiving and all is making it difficult to post.

My panel went very well and I am looking forward to telling you guys all about it soon. I just wish there was more time in the day to be able to the even do half the things that I want to do.

It is been a very tiring two weeks as I’ve had back to back conventions. I’ve been through a lot and seen a lot and it is been some bad and some good.

For now I want to wish everyone a happy turkey day and I want to say to everyone thank you for being a part of my life.

Hug a pony my friends.

A road too traveled

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As you all have known i have been working a lot here lately. It has been very difficult for me here these last few weeks with work and with my personal life and with everything else going on and I hit rock bottom the other day.

This past weekend I managed to work myself to the point that I just literally shut down and did not want to speak or talk to or deal with anybody else. I was so tired I had to try to find ways to get my body to move and I was hurting so bad that I had my wife work on my back and she found a muscle not that one from the top of my spine to the base of my tailbone. She worked on it for about 2 hours before it just became too sore to even work on. I’ve been dealt with the soreness all the way through the rest of the weekend.

I had the opportunity to help some friends out with some plumbing issues and I was very lucky to have such close friends try and take care of me. I managed to worry them to the point that they didn’t even want me to help but I managed to go ahead and help them out and take care of their needs. They then sat me down, fed me and my family and just helped me relax and try to find ways to make me feel better. I am truly thankful to have such gracious friends.

I also found out that our apartment complex is trying to kick us out of our apartment about 4 months before our lease is up.  Between this and my pain and stress has caused my wife to have an extremely difficult time taking care of everything.

The whole icing on the cake has been my daughters who have really just been very very difficult to work with. With me being stressed out and not being able to take some extra time to deal with them has released cause them stress and just made our whole lives difficult. I love my daughters very very much but they always seem to find that one last nerve to dance on to just drive me up a wall.

I will say that I am doing better now I appreciate everyone has helped me out and I hope to have more positive news later this week as I have a few things going on in the background. I do have one really cool announcement to announce here soon that I’m hopefully going to be able to get everybody excited about.

Hug a pony my friends.

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Weary traveler

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I have worked a lot this past 3 weeks. I clocked over a hundred hours last pay period (2 weeks). I am on track this week for another 50 hours. Working this much always puts my body into shock and I usually get sick. Last night I was running a fever. I went to bed in bad mood. 

I slept. 

A long time.

I didn’t have to open the next morning so I could sleep in late. I was not expecting to sleep almost 9 hours. I woke to myself feeling a lot better.

Sometimes, we just need to sleep.

Just rest.

Snuggle with a pony my friends.

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