Tired

Self care day 21:Bedhead

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I take sleep seriously. It has been one of the most frustrating things my health has bothered and I taken great offense to my illness in robbing me of this precious gift. Even when I find time to sleep, my body does not allow me to drift into that peaceful slumber but instead keeps me in the semi-dreamlike state of frustration.

Sleep is almost as good as coffee to me*

I wrote a post earlier about changing out your pillows and I feel this can also be applied to your bed sheets as well. Again, I ask the question of how old are they? Have you used them since a Clinton was president? Do they still have a cartoon character on them (guilty over here)?

This is a time to find better ones. I would call on everyone to find and get the best bed sheets they can. Humans spend approximately 30% of their lives sleeping. Why would you want to skimp on getting the best sleep you can afford?

This is sleep people, enjoy it!

Find out all you can on bed sheets. Find out which ones the high end hotels use or go to the expensive department stores and ask the salesman. Set aside money to get the best quality ones you have with the right design, feel, everything about them. We spend so much time, why not make that time better but getting the proper sheets for you.

And think about how every time you go to sleep how nice they feel. You can look at them and smile and think to yourself that you are going to be using those wonderful, cloudlike, blankets of glory soon. This is your life.

Make it more enjoyable.

I am making myself sleepy.

#hugapony my friends

It is always a pleasure bring you more day to day posts. I will continue to do so until the end of February. Please make sure to comment, share and follow along as I share some simple things to better your life!

*I know that coffee and caffeine will effect my sleep but I have changed my times at which I drink coffee and make a habit out of not drinking it too late. I have also cut down on my intake to ensure better sleep for me.

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Self care day 16:Peace of body

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It is an amazing thing, the body. It is what we use to get around. It provides nourishment for the brain. It houses the soul. Doesn’t it deserve some love?

I have had a few massages over the years and it has been an amazing experience time and again. They put you in a quiet room. They keep you warm. They rub away aching muscles and sore places, all while keeping your mind at peace as well.

Full body release and relaxation.

I remember the first time some one gave me one. I was 14 on a missions’s trip to Haiti. I was helping build a medical facility about a mile up a mountain several hours outside Port-au-Prince. I was helping dig sewer lines and a place for the septic tank. The air was so thin, you could barely swing a pickax more than a few times before you were out of breath.

Tired and sore does not even begin to describe it.

We were settling in after dinner and wiping down with baby wipes as there was no running water or shower to speak of. I was with a bunch of college students and 2 of them were in nursing and also massage therapists. They set about to getting everyone’s back to feeling better and I helped get people around as they melted into bliss. One had finished working on someone, looked at me and asked if I needed one. Being a young teenager, and a very quiet one at that, I politely declined and said I would be alright. She said nonsense, it made no difference and had me sit down and she worked on my shoulders and upper back.

Oh my goodness.

Feeling muscles release and your body let go was amazing.

One of the more interesting things about it was being told to drink a lot of water. Breaking down the muscle made it release toxins and water would help flush it out. I could think of no better way to finish “spring cleaning” the body.

I will never forget it.

I encourage all of you to go and get one by a massage therapist. Find a good one in the area, use Groupon, however you can do it. Treat yourself.

Better yet, heal yourself.

Take care of yourself.

#hugapony my friends

It is always a pleasure bring you more day to day posts. I will continue to do so until the end of February. Please make sure to comment, share and follow along as I share some simple things to better your life!

Self care day 4: Finding your towel.

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Thank you for joining me on the grand undertaking. There is going to be a lot of work for me and  I hope to be able to keep up. Please make sure to comment, share and follow along as I share some simple things to better your life!

Taking care of yourself involves so much. Mental and physical well-being should be considered crucial in keeping you healthy as a person. Sometimes, in my opinion, it can all come down to something as simple as one thing.

Do you know were your towel is at?

Towels are amazing. They provide warmth and comfort. They can be associated with going to the beach or swimming. They also make a great reference to Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.

One Christmas, my dad decided to do a present to each member of the family. He did not tell anyone, even my mom much to her annoyance, what they were. These large light boxes were stuck under the tree, shaken daily as we tried and tried to guess what they were. Christmas morning arrived and we all dashed to see what these mystery gifts were.

They were very large, soft towels.

We sat around confused at such a gift when my father explained how we have had ragged old towels for awhile now and being something that we use (or should use) daily, why do we keep using them? Why not have a bit of luxury in having nice, big, soft towels.

With this simple message in mind, I bring it to everyone else.

Part of self-care for everyone is cleanliness. I know with some mental and physical disabilities, it can be very hard to get the energy to clean yourself. I wrote a post a few weeks back on a picture on Facebook that I got angry at for the tone of it. One of the items them mentioned was bathing. While I did not agree at all with the tone, I understood the message that cleanliness is an issue.

Why not motivate yourself with a new towel?

Here is an item that is used so often but how often do we think of buying a new one? When the old one rips? When it is so thread bare it takes another towel to finish the job? Do you have that nice towel the whole family fights over because it is so nice? Why not take a time and find a nice luxurious towel for you.

Knowing that you bought yourself a new, soft, warm, beautiful towel can be the thing to motivate you to take care of yourself.

It can all come down to just a towel.

#hugapony my friends

Truth and Vindication.

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It has been a couple weeks from my last post. I have struggled greatly at what I have wanted to do next. I have thought long and hard about continuing my blog and how I help others. I thought upon my own condition and the battles I have fought. My own demons have been at battle in my body in my own mini civil war. I have been seeking answers for several years now.

And now I had them.

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Knowledge is a double-edged sword.

I have something I can look in the eye and know what I am battling. I have official paperwork and can show people that yes I am sick. I have been examined by a medical professional and have been given the answer. I can proceed on to the next steps and, hopefully, get the proper help.

It also cuts me deep. I cannot deny or excuse myself. I have to admit to myself that “Yes, I am sick.” I was not as prepared for the answer as I thought.

In some small part, I must have even had doubts myself. Who wants to admit to themselves they are broken? It goes to show that even I had doubts about myself. No one is safe from their own inner voice.

I am broken.

And that has to be OK.

I feel like I have run one of the biggest marathons in my life. I have worked hard at research into what is wrong with me. Consulting my doctor, friends, and family for information. I have used my unknown to help countless others. It has been the fuel to drive me to reach my hand out and pick people up. Now that I have the answer, am I out of gas? How do I go on from here? What changes now?

I have spent 2 weeks trying to answer these questions. I am no closer to a solution than I was then. But, I have not thrown in the towel.

Where one journey ends, another begins.

I find myself confused at the finish line I crossed. I feel like I stumbled through the tape and am now in a daze. My journey has been about answers for myself and others. Now instead of seeking answers, I will be looking for help and treatments. I will be walking down a slightly different path. A new race has begun.

I hope you all can join me on this journey.

May all your plushies get hugs.

After the Black.

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Another Black Friday has come and gone. I was fortunate not to have to work this one. I was able to spend time with my family and enjoy time off. I saw several other friends online who were able to be off for the first time, for some, in 25 years. It was heartening to see people having a good holiday.

For every person that had the day off, I saw two more who had to work. As it stands, I saw a reasonably good day on Friday and it seemed that people mostly behaved themselves. While tired, overworked employees abound, everyone survived. 

I look at this last month of the year with hesitation. I see many hard days coming soon and different problems to face. I look over this past year and the difficulties me and mine have handled. I look at my year in review post for new year’s and I see so much that had happened. I honestly can’t remember a year that has flown by this quickly. 

I have an up and coming doctors appointment at which I have to confront my doctor about my medical condition. I am at the point at which my depression is under control for the most part. My anxiety is managed when I have an attack. However, I see my muscle and nerve pain has increased and my body fatigue and insomnia are through the roof and I know more is going on with me. I need more than just pills. I need some answers. 

I need to be diagnosed. Correctly.

I look at family. I want to do so much more for them and I feel I am being held back by so many things. My body can’t keep up. Job opportunities are not there, much less my current job. I just want to be there more for my family. 

I look at my blog. This diary of good times and bad. I see the people I have helped and the trials that I faced. I look at the joy I have spread and the sorrow I helped people through. I see it all and know in my heart that I could do more. 

I can always do more. 

I can always do more to make the world a better place. 

I just don’t have the energy to keep going sometimes. I feel trapped in this shell of a body. The pain and exhaustion overwhelms me. All I can think of is to press on. 

I do it for my family

I do it for you. 

I do it for me.

H

#hugapony my friends

Anime North Texas 2016

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I have just come back from working yet another convention. I am tired. This one I worked guest relations. I hung out with so many great people. They inspired me to do more with my blog and even encouraged me to do more to help others. A few even made it to my disabilities panel. Here are the amazing people I had the pleasure of working with.

Caleb Hyles is a Youtube star with singing power that leaves me in awe. I had the oppurtunity to sit down with him and his wife and share life stories and other craziness. If you haven’t checked him out, do so at: https://www.youtube.com/user/CalebsCovers/featured

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Gareth West is an up and coming anime super star! He is an extremely talented voice actor who has an amazing passion for his fans. Hanging out with Gareth was so much fun this weekend and made me so happy. Check out his Facebook here: https://www.facebook.com/gareth.west.90

Cherami Leigh is a complete sweetheart. She has a resume that baffles the mind as to how much work she has done. As always, she brought her mom out to the show with her. Cherami is one that the fans love and adore. More on her bellow.  http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0473873/

Double feature with Kristen McGuire and Chuck Huber.

Kristen is a crazy awesome person who cannot stop drawing on people’s plushies. Her voice work and her art is a one, two combo to make you want to love her more. I am still waiting on her Cat Girl #2 comic. Her info is http://kriscomics.com/

Chuck works so hard to be there for his fans. Even when he is not supposed to be somewhere, he will pop out of nowhere and surprise everyone. A long time, hard working actor who puts in time with his fans was a crowd favorite. http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0399321/

Aaron Roberts. My pony brother from another mother. I need to buy him more pony stuff. He was one of the first to arrive and one of the last to leave. His panels were packed with good information and audience pleasing fun. Check him out at http://www.behindthevoiceactors.com/Aaron-Roberts/

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Greg Ayres is another one of those hard working folks that has a huge laundry list of projects with his name in them. From working on anime to fighting bootleg items in the dealer rooms, it is amazing that he has even more to give with crazy nighttime club DJ hits. His list of amazing feats are here: http://www.behindthevoiceactors.com/greg-ayres/

So that was my weekend. It was long hours and hard work but it all paid off to be with such amazing people. I wanted to shout out to my staff who helped me, Star, Foxx, and AJ along with Sarah who kept guests happy in the green room. I am going to go sleep now for a week.

#hugaplushie my friends (just keep them away from Kristen)

As my world turns.

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It has been more than an interesting couple of weeks here in my life. Seems the world is turning a closer eye upon me and is creating some interesting drama (both good and bad). I have started working overnights for a big box retailer as you know if you have read the blog so far and my body has slowly been fighting me more and more. Sleep does not come easily and when it finally takes over I end up in bed for 16 straight hours and miss out on my family and friends.

Depression, it seems, has returned to mess with me.

One of the more pressing issues in my life is the fact I am having to cut out my main medication for pain/depression. The side effects have been rough and growing and I was informed of the possible of seizures. Considering I have been taking this medication 3 times a day for 2.5 years makes me a bit concerned. I am slowly cutting back on the doses until I am able to get off of it fully but my body is already rebelling against me. Pain, it seems, has returned and brought friends.

I am just coming off of Nightmare Nights in Dallas, a personal favorite convention of mine. I have been involved in helping train some of the security staff there and the head of security, whom I work for at this convention, showed how much he has grown. I stood back and observed more than I had in many years working a convention and I couldn’t have been prouder of what he has accomplished. He and his team worked their tales off (pun intended) and handled things in such a professional manner. My security Lead thank me for the time and training I had put into him but he more than earned what he did. I know people who have worked for years and not had the poise to handle the stress nor the calming attitude it takes. Pride is not an emotion that comes often to me but in this case I was beaming with it.

I am also beaming with pride at my wonderful daughters. They have been so joyous in the upcoming baby and looking at new things to get when the baby arrives. We have had quite a few times of lost tempers and late nights with them, but they have been open and receptive. They have brought much joy to me and my wife.

My wife has been progressing at her new job and making leaps and bounds in advancing her career. She has jumped in with two feet and is making a difference. She is pushing forward with new training and helping and working all while growing a person inside of her. She is my life and my joy and I cannot imagine life without her.

As I continue on in life, I have decided to expand upon an idea that I have held in my mind for quite a while. I have always had the belief in taking time to personally thank people, send a message of encouragement, or just to be there for them. I have had a few opportunities pop up for these events to occur and I have tried to pounce upon them when they do. One of my faiths biggest commandments is to love one another and I hold fast to that. Loving people.

Simple concept, difficult to execute.

I hope to make a difference in peoples lives and to show them that they matter. Everyone needs love, including myself, and I can only hope for opportunity to bring it to them.

#hugapony my friends.

Tired tired tired everywhere.

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I have been so tired in the most recent weeks. Going back to work has taken its toll on me. My wife and kids have felt it as well. Starting school and keeping up with all the different jobs has been exhausting. I barely have time to function.

I came across a meme that help summarize how I have been feeling. I do feel that fibromyalgia could be changed to almost any chronic disease. I would be very presumptuous to think we have the corner on pain.

I am pressing forward. I am doing my best not to let this hold me back.

Any prayers would be most appreciated.

#hugapony

Begin again.

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I’ve been scared to write for the past while. It’s not something that I have had to deal with in the past. I’ve always found words to be able to explain myself or to vent my feelings or even to help other people out. I find myself more and more afraid of sharing in the most recent weeks.

I went to the doctor here recently and was prescribed more medication. It has been a rough time adjusting to that and my other meds. I am finding it much harder to focus and to write and be creative. It has gotten bad enough that I haven’t posted in over a week which is something that I haven’t done since starting my blog over two years ago. Words don’t flow the way they used to and even the simplest tasks seem harder now days. I’ve even been contemplating not continuing my blog and ending it where it stands now.
I have decided against doing so.
I know my blog has been an inspiration to quite a few people. I have received more than one note or letter from people telling me how much they appreciate me writing and helping them through difficult times. I feel somewhat responsible for helping continue to help people out through tough times in their lives. That is not something I can throw away very lightly.
And so I asked my dear friends, please bare with me over the next coming weeks as I am continuing to adjust to this new life on more meds. I have recently started a overnight stocking job for a large retail company as well to keep things mixed up. I also had some other interesting life news happen that I cannot share at this time. Some of that news was good and some of it was bad. Rest assure I will continue to do my best to help encourage others, and continue documenting my journey through depression and anxiety and other invisible disabilities.
I thank you all who read this. Know that I love each and everyone of you and I look forward to bringing you more words of wisdom and encouragement.

#hugapony my friends.