My family wont be back for another 2 whole days. I have not been this alone in quite some time. Back in college, just arriving freshman, I remember the first night alone. I was in a room that was going to have 2 other roommates in it but they were gone at the time. I remember the cold bedposts, the chilled emptiness, the eerie quite. I cried myself to sleep that night. I was 450 miles away from home, in a place that I knew no one, trying to work to provide myself the ability to go to school. I had my faith, this being a religious college, but even at that moment I had nothing to grab onto.
I hit my second bout of depression in college. My first was during my high school years, some 2 years before that. I was passed back and forth to different mentors and teachers and scholars until I ended up at one of the Vice presidents of the college. I knew the song and dance by this time. Yes I was praying every night, no I hadn’t done anything to confess. In the end it was chalked up to freshman blues (I still have no idea what that means). I look back on it now and think of how different it might have been if I had only had a stuffed little pony to hold onto.