I feel dead inside. I dont know how to feel inside. I just can’t control this horrid blackness that threatens to overwhelming me. I have been beating back my sorrows and depression for a good few weeks now. It is all threatening to come down now. Like a oak tree I try and stand against the storm. I really need to learn to be a willow tree that can bend and not break.
I have had several people pass away on me in the past few weeks. People I know, celebrities, fellow Americans. I have seen hate despair, sorrow, hopelessness, grief. I have not only seen them but felt them as well. That building wave of emotion that threatens to wash away any kind of happiness. The daily struggle to get up in the morning, and the same struggle to stay awake for fear of the dreams that may haunt you.
The feeling of loneliness. It is as deadly as a sword.
All I want to scream is “Be still, sad heart! and cease repining, Behind the clouds is the sun still shining”, But the day is cold, and dark, and dreary. I know that feeling all too well. All I can say is find someone, something, some place, that makes you FEEL. Something, anything! Try and find your anchor, anything that will hold you in this world. Whatever, where ever that may be. Forget how silly it is, forget about what other people think, THEY DONT MATTER. You do, dear reader, you matter. You matter to me. This blog is here to help with depression, mine. If it can help you, its done more than I have ever dreamed. I lift my stuffed plushie and salute you.
Live, dear reader, live. Some days must be dark and dreary.