Hopeless.

I hate this feeling of hopelessness. I cannot stand my mind and body sometimes. I cannot even summon the will to move. I want to move and do things, but my body will not respond. I know a lot of people who can’t relate to this. I will be sitting in a chair or my car and I will just stop. I will not move. I will be screaming in my mind to move my hand from the door handle, but nothing happens. My body rebels against me. My mind spirals out of control. I will stare blankly with no hope for movement. I know in my mind that if I could just move, I could keep moving and forget. I think in my mind of the Little Engine that Could. I just have to get moving. I scream and plead across my mindscape with no avail. I want to bow my head in defeat, but I am locked in place. I give up hope before finally I blink. That simple motion is enough to get me moving again. And, once again, now that I am moving, I must keep move for fear of locking in place again and drifting in my mind, lost. I move to my house and hug my wife and try not to cry.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s