I find myself in more and more of a bad mood. I am constantly having to check myself as I go about my day. I am growling at friends and family, and I am so exhausted all the time.
Ah depression, how I know thee.
I have had a bad run of things in the past month. Each time I thought me and mine’s life might be turning better, Life would find a way to knock the legs out from under us. I have cried more this past month than I have for almost 5 years. I have seen pain and heartache from the people I care the most about. And I have been sleeping hugging a pony.
I am not sure if it is helping.
I find depression likes to hold you down. It makes you want to stay in bed because facing the day is just too much. My days tend to be long and with with lots of people, some good some bad. The social interaction can wear on me as an introvert. It builds and builds until I am worn out. It doesn’t help the way I think or act as well.
I will have a plush pony on my person pretty at all times. I keep them in my pocket or on my belt loop. I sometimes need a quick rub of a plush’s nose to help my body calm down. It works very similarly to a security blanket. The problem comes when judgemental people see them and do what they do best.
I know I have faced criticism from all fronts and have been put up as a spokesman of sorts as I can tend to voice reason with people. Others are not so lucky. I have had more than one person come to me scared because the secret is out about liking My Little Pony. I congratulate them and say welcome to the herd. They all get nervous and scared.
I hate that.
Why do you have to live in fear because of something that you like? Why do we not allow blankets and teddy bears after the age of 6? Is it because they don’t need “baby things”? Is it because we have to grow up?
I just will keep on keeping on. I will continue to be a safe person to come to about these things. Know my friends that I will not back down. Even depressed as I might be at times, it just goes to show that I take the medicine that I talk about.
Tonight I will sleep, hugging a pony my friends.
2 thoughts on “Ebb and flow.”
I’m sorry, Daniel. I don’t know the right thing to say or do to help. All I can do is let you know that there are people out here that care about you, and we’ll do anything you ask – just say so.
I know that sounds pretty weak, probably is. Don’t know what else I can offer.
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Sometimes just hearing people say that is more than enough. It is not weak at all.