Emotional

The last day.

/ Codefreak / Leave a comment

My computer has been out of commission the last week or so. I have finally gotten back up and running and lo and behold, I am back to share my stores with you, dear reader!

It was my last day in retail. That in and of itself was a shock and change. I was busy most of the day handing off keys and getting the new manager set up with what he needed. I ended up saying goodbye to my staff and customers.

This was all made tougher as they decided to move my Assistant Manager to another store as well.

My staff was exceptionally kind to me. I was given several gifts (all ponies!!) and I was touched beyond words. Seeing the kindness that was given to me by someone, anyone else is always a shock for me. I honestly had trouble accepting it. I couldn’t say anything to them of course as I would never want to offend or upset anyone. Its just the thought of someone giving me something that I didn’t earn ( or felt I earned).

I was just being myself.

The day grew rougher as it seemed every person I had gotten to know as a regular at my store came. I call to mind two instances that broke me.

The first was a husband and wife who were not on the young side (or as they put it, “We are as old as dirt and then some!”). They were some of the few that did not make it in but I felt I needed to call them. The wife had been going through chemo for months and is still one of the most spunky, strong, and enduring person I have had the privilege knowing. Her husband was the Ying to her Yang. They would walk in the door and I would say the same thing each time.

“Here comes trouble.”

And there never was. They brightened every day I saw them and I will always remember them.

And then came the final customer of the day, and my career there.

To provide background on this transaction I will explain. I had a mom and daughter who would come in to shop with me. They had been shopping with me since the time I had moved to be a store manager. The daughter had a few mental disabilities but it didn’t stop her from being nice to everyone. The mom worked hard to make sure they had everything. I knew what games they played and what they would want before they stepped out of the car.

When I had first met them, the daughter was upset because she had seen quite a few people come through the store already. I took the time to explain who I was and let her know that I would be taking care of her and her mom. She got to know me and my family and never forgot to ask how my girls were doing.

Now some people saw her as a burden or a bother in the store (none of whom lasted long at my store). I made sure to take a bit of extra time with them so they were completely happy when they left my store.

Now back to the last day.

I was about to call this pair of favorites as I could not leave without saying goodbye. I was in my back room explaining to the new manger who they were and the special requirements they might need. I happened to look out of the corner of my eye to my security camera and saw them enter. I took a deep breath and asked the manager to follow me as I wanted to hand them off to him as it would help the transition.

The daughter saw me and lit up (as always) cheerfully calling out my name. I greeted her warmly and answered her questions about how I was doing and how my girls were doing. I said they were well but they were busy. She asked why and I told her that it was because it was my last day and I was having to move for family reasons.

She broke down crying in the middle of my store.

The other manager had to step away in an effort not to cry as well. She asked me why, and I explained it to her as best I could. She gave me a big hug, still crying. I told her she would be OK and that I was leaving a few people she knew. She told me that it wasn’t the same. I said that I knew but that she was going to be OK. She took me to her mom, still tears in her eyes and told her. Her mom was in shock. Slowly the daughter explained it to her and the mom understood. I took that moment to introduce them to the new store manager. He did a great job introducing himself and making a personal effort to let them know he was there for him. The daughter, then was drying her tears, comment on some of the pins on his lanyard. This was a sign for me that she was now thatching herself to him.

My heart almost broke in all this. I even for a moment questioned myself leaving, still knowing I had too. I rang them out for my last transaction. I then went to back room to collect myself.

This for me was why I did customer service. This is part of who I am. I have tried to show kindness and love to everyone.

And it hurts sometimes. If done right.

And that is OK.

I soon handed over my keys, clocked out, and said the last goodbyes to who was left. I will never forget my time in retail. I honestly believe that everyone should work a holiday in it to understand just how to treat other people. Life lessons that carry over to everything else.

Here’s to my staff and customers. I will never forget you.

Hug a pony my friends.

I want to thank Shop girl at http://shopgirlanonymous.com/ for all that you have done. It has been amazing working in retail at the same time as you. Sharing stories was always a favorite for me. If you hadn’t yet check out an amazing blog that I plan on still reading.

Free Flying

/ Codefreak / 1 Comment

I have always dreamed of flying. I was flying back from Las Vegas and I happened to get a window seat. I have said before I have an overactive imagination. I enjoy seeing things from a birds eye view. Staring at the clouds from the top side just gives you a sense of awe. My heart skips a beat when seeing something that can’t be seen without the help of a wonder that is air flight. I find myself discouraged at the fact that most people can taking airplanes so casually. Sailing the air above the clouds and seeing the rays of sun well before they reach the ground. I looked out that airplane window and saw freedom.

A birds freedom.

And now we come up to a day that, for Americans, tends to bring sadness and grief. Rightly so, but I remember vividly the time and place when a nation hit her knees. I remember the times when people helped other people. It wasn’t a black lives thing or a white power. It was people.

People helping people.

Humans, being human.

I look back and think of some better times. If you have flown in the past 14 years you know that it is changed dramatically. I have seen the change in people and the change in attitudes. Now I try not to judge, hell I have changed more than a lot. I just wonder were our humanity has gone. In a day and age of being offended, I find myself more and more saddened by the state of everyone. This goes for everyone, not just Americans. I look at humanity and I get sad.

I know I am a romantic. I tend to get sad over the little things and get overwhelmed at the big things. People have often wondered why I let people walk over me. I get trampled upon and looked down upon. I act out for the benefit of others. I do what I can to show others how to be nice.

How to be human.

How to feel free again.

Flying through the air is exhilarating. The birds eye of things, showing you how small you really are. Cars look like ants, and you can’t even see people. You just see yourself.

Are you happy with you?

How free are you?

How human are you?

What have you done in the past few hours, days, weeks, for another person? It could be as simple as not yelling back at the customer who spent the past 15 minutes cursing you out. It could be that you provided a car so someone can get to a job. It could be just a smile to the right person.

It could just you being human.

Not a human doing.

A human being.

Hug a pony my friends. I love you all.

 

 

New meds.

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It has come to this. While I know it is a good thing to get help, I can’t shake the feeling of failure in being prescribed a new medication. I have had a series of panic attacks of the past month, for good reason I believe, and I went in for my 3 month check up.

I want to point out that I love my doctor. Now that we have a working relationship, and we know how each other think, we have been working together to get me help. I had mentioned all the stuff that has been going on in the past month and the panic attacks (also this blog as well, HI DOC!!) and she gently asked if I wanted to try another medication for those times.

I felt a little apprehension as this is another step in my mind. down the path of dependency something I am very adverse to. At the same time, I have slowly slipping down a dark path that I don’t want to think about.

I agreed.

So far I have found it helpful, with a slight crash at the end of it. I have been trying to time it so I am asleep when it happens. Who knows. I hope it helps.

At this point, doing nothing would hurt worse.

Hug a pony my friends.

I want to cry, but the well is dry.

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I am at a breaking point. There are times when I just barely find a reason to get out of bed. I am fighting to keep myself going each and every day and I feel myself slowly keep slipping further and further behind.

This has been a bad month.

My van broke down while driving for work. My wife and I suffered a miscarriage. My car blew a gasket. Work has pilled up to my eyebrows with no end in sight.

And my wife’s aunt who we have been taking care of just passed away.

This is a person I have looked to to get through hard times. In the last 3 years she has been through more hardships than other people people face in 20 years. She had her dog pass away (who was like a child for her). Her husband suffered a stroke. She worked and helped him recover and when he was just about done with physical therapy, he left for another woman. She was then diagnosed with cancer.

Twice.

She went through chemo and started on the road to recovery and had some ups and downs. She was finally on the road that was looking promising.

And then her heart gave out.

My dear readers, I cannot express the amount of respect I had for this woman who stood up to the hardships of life and still pressed on. How am I to complain about anything? How am I to compare my hardships with hers?

Tears. Tears are not enough.

Hug a pony my friends.

“My heart has joined the thousand, for my friend stopped running today.” We will miss you Aunt Evelyn.

Oh the joys of retail.

/ Codefreak / 3 Comments

You know how it goes. You work retail, you help a bunch of customers, make a few people smile, stock some shelves, answer the phone.

And the someone threatens to get you fired.

So it went like this today. I was have your typical retail day. Some good customers, some rude ones, and all the ones in between.

Then I had a young man come in want to buy something that has an age requirement. I asked him if he was og age and he said no. I asked if his parent or legal guardian was here and he said no. He said he had his mother’s ID and that she said it was ok to sell him whatever he wanted.

Dont they all.

When I refused he then asked if he could put his mother on FaceTime and give permission that way and, while being a new one I hadn’t been asked, I said no. He then called his mother and told her the situation. He then said that she wanted to talk to me.

Oh joy of joys.

I answered the phone and was immediately greeted with curse words and bitching (cause that helps everything). I explained that this was something I could not override only to be told that I was being a jerk and just didn’t want to sell her son the item (and not make money evidently). She explained that she was a peace officer who had a disability and couldn’t come up there and that I should just sell her son what he wanted. I refused.

She then asked to speak to my boss, who isnt at the store, and i told her I would ask for her sake but it probably wouldn’t change anything. I called, my boss agreed with me, he reaffirmed that I would lose my job if I did do it and I picked back up the other phone.

Once again I explained that I could not do it and that I would lose my job only to be interrupted with how horrible of a person I was and that I would be fired over this injustice and she wanted my name, my boss’s name, his boss’s name and the number for my corporate offices. I, in her mind I guess, was the worst person in the world.

I gave her all the information she asked for and even managed to suggest that she go online to order the item so it could be shipped to her house but that was not good enough.

Some people just can’t be pleased.

Sigh, hug a pony friends. My head hurts. 

Black and white and red all over.

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There has been huge changes in the social landscape over the past few weeks. I know a few that has affected my town, my state and the entire country. There have been battle lines drawn and fingers pointed. There have been yelling and screaming and shouting from rooftops. There have been friendships ended and new ones forged. Facebook has become a battleground of social issues.

And I hate it.

I find myself more and more hating social media. Yes this is hypocritical of me as I use it and promote through it. I also enjoy the family and friends I get to converse with.

But this hate needs to stop.

ALL HATE NEEDS TO STOP!

I am tired of being labeled as black because I don’t agree with white.

I am tired of being told that I am a “white lover” because I don’t agree with black.

(For sake of clarity, I am using “black and white” as showing two sides to an issue, not as a skin colour)

The problem now days is people HAVE to label other people. It does not matter how they think or what they think. People must be labeled. They must be categorized, quantified, and put in a box.

Why is that?

Where does that lead?

It causes division. ‘

I hated division.

I hate being thrown into the farthest depths of a social issue just because I disagree with you. I hate people who assume that because of my belief or life style or skin colour or age or sex or ANYTHING AT ALL, I must believe or think some way.

This leads to division.

And that is just on the road to hate.

I rarely see honest, opinionated discussions that don’t end with “YOU ARE A BIGOT” or some other derogatory remark. Just because I disagree with you or your life style or anything does not mean I hate you.

My belief calls on me to love everyone as myself.

I try my best.

I also love ponies.

Hug a pony my friends.

PS This is not directed at anyone or any group or anything. This is just about hate no matter who it comes from.

Home again

/ Codefreak / Leave a comment

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It was a very long weekend. I got to see friends and family. We had an incredible time with hardships and laughs. I thank every one for their service in volunteering and hoped all the attendees had great time.

A few quick notes. I loved the panel that I got to help lead. I feel the group had fun and we loved putting on the show. If you attended the panel make sure to drop a line. I will have more info on it all later.

I wanted to share that during the convention I experienced a personal family emergency. We are very shaken up and ask for your thoughts and prayers. I will update when I can. I ask for patience in this matter and thank  you for understanding.

Hug a pony my friends.

The “Big” one.

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Yes this is the reveal trailer. I will tell all in my new blog post!!!! Just include $19.99 in three easy payments plus shipping. The most talked about secrets will be yours right here right now!

OK so not really but I have an announcement.

I have a panel at a convention.

Actually, I have two panels at 2 different conventions.

Excited yet?

The first panel is this Thursday in Dallas, Tx and Akon 26 (http://www.a-kon.com/). I will be joining Three friends of mine, Nick Mangieri (Knightengale Music Advising). Ronin Jasso (twitch.tv/thegigalounge) and Ray Batts (Sickhead Games) for an awesome time of fun with fandoms and games! We just wrapped up a pre-launch Podcast that is here:

<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bKqNUoBjTcc
“>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bKqNUoBjTcc

Check it out and leave a comment or better yet, come see us in person!!!! This will be first offical panel with My Stuffed Little Therapy and I cannot contain the excitement that I have. It will be great!

The second panel I will be flying solo at Anime North Texas (http://animenorthtexas.com/). I will have main stage for this one and I hope to have a great turnout. Here is the purposed listing.

Daniel “Codefreak” Permenter, avid blogger and possibly the world’s biggest Brony shares the means and hows on surviving fandoms both at conventions and in the real world. He will share his feelings and knowledge of blogging and the secret of “Stuffed Therapy”. He will also share his personal insight on family cosplaying and raising the next generation of anime/convention lovers! Check out his personal blog at https://mystuffedlittletherapy.wordpress.com/

I cannot wait to see what happens.

I ask all of you a big favor. Spread the word!!!! I hope to have a great turnout. If you know people who would want to come see me let them know about it!!! I will be promoting these as much as I can without being annoying. Well, too annoying.

Hug a pony my Friends!!!

Almost falling.

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I am weary. My legs and arms are beat. My body is trying to rebel against me. The weight of the world is on my shoulders and I am slipping. Almost every aspect of my life is inducing stress on me at this moment.

I have been trying to post positive things. Talking positive leads to thinking positive, or so i have been told. I have kept a good face up for a lot of people. I have responsibilities to my family, friends, and employees.

I am just so exhausted of keeping it up.

I am tired of being called out for what i believe in. I have said before that I believe what I believe. I have never forced anyone else to believe it, and I stand firm in what I believe in. Getting called out or grouped together with being labeled as something because of my belief is tiresome. I am a Christian. That does not mean I hate people. I believe that we are called to love everyone. Stop calling me a racist, homophobic, think “I” am better than everyone else.

Enough.

You don’t know me.

This blog is me.

Hug a pony my friend

Down from on high.

/ Codefreak / 1 Comment

So I recently had a store visit from a regional VP (my boss’s boss). I had some time to prep and get ready for this meeting. We cleaned, brushed up on policy, and did our general all around “lets get ready for vistors” routine.

Boy was I not prepared.

So, I like to think that I am not a dumb person. I have been tested (“My mother had me tested”) and I have performed very well in high school and college. I do well with numbers and can adapt well to almost all situations.

This was not enough.

So, the visit started off well with my boss showing me off, being a great store in most of the areas, and showing my skills. The VP seemed happy with the results. We then went into the backroom and looked at the numbers. P&L and other business acumen that I have a little knowledge on but not too much. That was about to change.

A lot.

I had my areas where I thought I could improve on and the VP asked why I had those areas. I gave my explanation and he said “Let us look at this differently.” He then proceeded to do more math than a college algebra teacher. For the next hour and thirty minutes I was shown my opportunities and strengths in ways I never even saw. I am good at math but he was GOOD at math. He made me feel dumb.

I don’t do well with that.

Now, it was never his intention to make me feel dumb but I had trouble following him. He would stop, back up and go over it slower. I would finally get it and he would drill me on it until I could teach him. It has been a long time since I have gotten schooled on things, but boy did I.

The rest of the visit is still in a fog as I was scrabbling to keep up. We did the usual, change this move that, though this time it had more purpose. I slipped up a few times with my words and managed to forget how to spell something and had to look it up with him watching me. I don’t get intimidated much anymore but my cages were rattled. Both he and my manager left and my brain turned to mush.

I have since recovered enough to post but I am still sorting it all out. Its been a week and I am still rebuilding.

There was a pony to hug. And I needed it.